Qatar 2022

How in God's name did His Mammoth Majesty find a suit big enough to fit him?

We never joined the facebook groups yodelling QATAR 2022 FOR WORLD CUP nor participated in general gushing about what it would be like for Qatar hosting the event. To be honest, it didn't sound all that appealing. The WEATHER people. There's a difference between sunny countries and infernos. And all that technology they're claiming to use that will cool down temperatures in the new swanky stadiums is faulty and a lie and even if it will work it will malfunction causing mass hysteria and stampedes and suffocations and death. Also, there's no alcohol allowed! What kind of football tournament host country is that! There go the English, scurrying back to their homes and air conditioned pubs. Another thing-women can't wear tube tops or hot pants! Where's the justice in this world! Apparently, this crime is punishable by fifty lashes! And they must travel with a mahram and ask his permission whenever they want to go out. Oh but this is the last straw: homosexual behavior is NOT tolerated. Forget lashes, this time it's execution! How could Fifa let Qatar host this amazingly popular tournament. Of course, oily money talks [hehe see what we did there]. Screw Fifa, Qatar, and the powers that be.

So the above wailing was the overwhelming response we saw on one too many forums and message boards. Gosh if it's that bad without having said wailing person actually visiting the country then imagine how worse it could be in reality when they grow a pair of balls and actually see Qatar in person. But then that could be refuted by one of those annoying all-knowing pompous fools who start their comments with: "I'm from New Zealand and I've lived in Qatar for three years now and that makes me qualified to talk condescendingly about the country and the systems it employs and the abhorrent social stratification and incurable sexism it portrays on a daily basis." Look, it's a tiny country, half the size of Wales (and yes Mr American neighbor-in- the-past, Wales counts as a country) with a population of 1.6 million, and very rich in natural resources that the US loves to monopolize. Indian workers get jailed by being grossly and falsely accused of attempted rape of Qatar's overly affluent insecure hornified women, immigrant workers are not represented adequately if at all and live in squalid conditions, and western foreigners get treated like kings as long as they have a license for beer and tell their partners to cover their shoulders in public. That's the kind of country Qatar is, much like other Gulf countries and the city of Dubai. Oh, here's another diatribe about the outrageous human rights violations. We hate using this line unless we're joking, but It's 'cause we're Arab, isn't it? So easy and fun to vilify. Had America won the vote, everyone would be lauding the growing gay acceptance and the hordes of willing prostitutes-never mind the obtrusive racism, dangerous ignorance, and human rights violations it commits on a daily business, both domestically and abroad. So now, in the honeyed speeches of Qataris, this is a collective Arab win. It will unite Arabs together, before another western mercenary stirs the waters to produce infighting and supplying of weapons. Qatar's motto on its bidding posters was 'Expect Amazing'. South Africa was a successful host, but that took its devastating toll on its countrymen. We're talking whole townships being uprooted to make way for the stadiums. Qatar had promised that after its hosting duties, it will distribute stadium pieces to poorer Middle Eastern countries. We'd like the whole piece of the one on water please.

Anyway, our thoughts on Qatar 2022. What the hell, that's twelve years from now and we'd be in our 30's and that notion is too petrifying to even contemplate living being that old.

We just hope the Palestine football team make it.

What if Israel qualify? A long shot, we know -haha- but that could be a diplomatic struggle right there, which will culminate in the world boycotting Qatar and cancelling the World Cup.

Eh, 12 years is a long time. We could be MOTHERS by then. Ok we're panicking blank mind blank mind blank mind!