Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Humus Can Syndrome

Look at this. Just look at it! Feast your eyes at the three headed monster that resides under those colorful wraps. Amy Winehouse's beehive got NUFFINK on this. Alien heads, you have surpassed the humongous nogginity of the true extra terrestrial species. We blame you, Tim Burton, for forcing the extraneous beings onto our screens.
And now we've gone on a two woman mission to get to the root of this crazy, fugly moda. Where else would the deranged Arab woman get her inspiration from? The whole point is to give the appearance that underneath the scarf, theres a whole lotta hair going on. And guys love that. We remember last year helping a friend out for her seminar, and her survey yielded some interesting results. Such as, BZU guys prefer a girl with long hair, big breasts, and capris/skirts only if her legs are shaved. Hard not to roll the eyes. But this..this fad that has spread across the campus among hijabis like a wildfire, and to a larger extent across Ramallah and other non-gulf Arab cities is simply put, ridiculous. There is nothing attractive about walking precariously with a three foot chinchilla curled up at the top of one's head. Khaleeji style schmaleeji style. We won't stand for this. Nope, we're gonna picket and riot until these fraudulent manes are disposed with forever and ever. We've sat, pointed, and laughed at the degrading fashion choices of our kin. We've offered some soul-searching advice only to get bitch slapped. We tried, for two years now to ameliorate the astoundingly horrific couture of the campus by combining lovely shirts with jeans and chucks only to get hissed upon. And now, with this phenomena, we are forced to transform ourselves into Save the Hijab activists, only to be accused of patriarchy and perpetuating the old system. So, onwards with the incipient mainspring of the (what we hope to be) passing fancy.

Note: Our investigatory probing excludes the gulf states.

How fitting. The make up is quite understated though, as our sisters out there use their one hundred and sixty five brushes with as much aplomb as Monet would for his paintings. What about this?

God we love Huey. Attitude, spunk, great hair. But naw, too intelligent.


We're getting closer..after all, the 'style' is a bit crack-headed.


Imagine that under a hijab, Ok, we'd rather not.

Hm. perhaps history can explain this. Regurgitated fashion and all that.

Marie Antoinette, yes?

Let's take a more contemporary approach.

Ugh. To the movie.



A thousand curses upon you, you degenerate scumbag! How could you? Or mayhap we should turn our shaking fingers on the US viewers who lap up every episode of Jersey Wack Shore thereby catapulting you into stars light and fame. Oh, how could you!
Oh, the uncanny resemblance!

So yeah, Palestinian women have got great thick curly hair (mmph!) but that's what they want you to believe. To give their tarboosh heads that over the top oomph they use these magnetic devices that operate mechanically according to the position of the lunar moon and the solar energy of- all right, it's a clip. A flower clip. Gosh we feel bad. We have just unearthed one of the divine secrets of womanhood.
See how-there's no other word for it-stupid this looks? It doesn't even help with posture, as we've seen one too many girls walking with their necks stuck out-cowpoke just crossed our minds- or tilted all the way behind which gives the impression of being pulled back by some invisible strings and not, as they presume, of a high and mighty royal appearance. Invisible strings of moda. Le sigh. The funny thing is, whenever we happen to be at an accessory/hijab store we give those flower clips a most petulant and derisive look, and the store keeper catches our eye and we both smile and roll our eyes heavenward. The suppliers are laughing too!! It is much more efficient to just stick a humus can on the head, secure it with super glue, and wrap it with a shela. It gives the desired look, and as a bonus, in the hot days the can will start leaking and you will have the pleasure of sticking out your tongue for some good ole dripping humus. Beware, the humus can syndrome!


  1. Humus can? Love it... I was told it was a yoghurt pot.
    Great blog, by the way!

  2. I think it's silly; I don't know if I would rage against it, but as always beautifully written!