Friday, April 30, 2010

Brief Break from Papers and the Like

Summer courses are still on, and the semester has been extended by one week. Last day of exams on the 29th! Let the countdown begin!

The BBC has proved its cowardice and its subordination to the mighty Zionist powers that be by apologizing for a political joke about Palestine, because it had the word "Jew" in it and so immediately recognized the anti-semitic undertone. The joke, made by comedian Frankie Boyle on a program called Political Animal (hence the political joke!) is as follows:
"I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well … that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew."

Oh the horror!

In other refreshing news, some Iranian crackpot blames the cause of earthquakes on the promiscuity of women. How could we ever have missed that blatant connection? Next thing they'll be telling us is that..oh forget it. The 21st century is just a number for some people, because ideologies are slipping back hundreds of years. It almost makes us wistful for the witch burnings.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Who Said BZU Doesn't Have Any Extra-Curricular Activities?

That would be us. In a way, these events are not extra-curricular but more! The second annual Marketing Day was held April 28th. Basically, after introducing what 'marketing' means in creative ways (a dark video that was barely viewable) four groups present their innovative ideas, and a winner is announced at the end. Sponsors were in attendance, and plain white pieces of paper were passed amongst the audience, with the only paper that had a star on it in the hands of the guy right in front of us..he won a trip to Turkey in June! After that, we vamoosed off to loiter elsewhere but we found out who won the top prize. And we're so happy for this person and his group, because he's the sweetest person ever. His group's idea wasn't too shabby either: scented camel soap. Unfortunately for us, the samples were all gone. Camel soap is the best soap for hair and body because it contains so many natural rich nutrients that moisturize and keep skin feeling silky smooth. The only problem is that is stinks worse than our B.O. So scented camel soap is a good idea indeed...Mabrook!
The 6th Engineering Day was also on April 28th. Students showcase their inventions/architectural pieces outside and inside the Engineering building. We liked the canvas outside because it gave a feeling of seclusion and sleepiness. Yes, we have nothing else to say because we didn't really look at the exhibit. But we have a picture of the banner announcing the event to compensate for our misdemeanor.

Now for Palfest! The Palestinian Festival of Literature is the first week of May, and it's coming to Birzeit Uni Thursday May 6th. Workshops will be plentiful, and it should be an interesting fun day. More on that later.
The Theater of Al-Hara came today to perform one of their plays, Al-Hashrah (cramming, crowding) for non/drama students. The play was about three personalities crammed in a bottle and fighting to get out, while displaying their teenage emotions influenced by family, society, and those around them. It was very interesting to watch, because what made the play unique was that it was performed on a circular piece of mat. This enabled the audience to see the mirror reactions of those sitting opposite them, as well as a complete view of the three actors. Their proximity made the whole setting more intimate. Emotions were extremely manic depressive, ranging from abrasive laughter and singing and dancing to anger and rage and despair that gave way to feelings of uselessness and failure. Each person could interpret the play in their own way, but it seemed obvious that the three personalities were representing three different groups in society. Some even saw a political connection, with the personalities representing to them the factions and parties.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Na'vis R Us!

Countless of articles have been written about the record-breaking movie Avatar and its parallelism with the Palestinians under occupation. Here's a secret Palestinians have been hiding from the rest of the world...the Na'vis are actually Palestinians!! And we have photographic proof!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Fashion Fugs

New feature peeps! This is to chronicle the 'whats-in' at BZU. And it'll be strictly limited to snarking at only the female bizarre/ostentatious/stomach-lurching/insane/ill-fitting choice of whatever apparel they choose to swaddle themselves in with some accessorizing. Girls prove to be more creative and bold in this department, because we can summarize the male fashion choice as the following:
  • Tight low rise jeans with short hideous shirts. Accessory: hairy butt crack.*
  • Normal jeans and a normal/ugly shirt. Accessory: Nike/Adidas shoes
  • Baggy jeans with a shirt that falls to the knees, preferably a Southpole one. Accessory: a silver chain and Attitude, which comes off as Ridiculousness. These represent a tiny minority.
* Impotency comes as a bonus feature.

Now for the females. Recent wide-spread epic is the tiny little thin long strap purses that can barely fit a Jew's nose. Man, we gotta stop with the whole stereotyping thing or we'll lose our massive reader base.

This is actually from Forever21 but we couldn't find/too lazy to search for the tacky metal studded faux leather shantat we see festering on the shoulders of 95 percent of the female population on campus.
Now, a more stylish chic/casual (are we displaying our fashion ineptness here?) handbag wouldn't be so bad, but the reason why we have a problem with them is that..they don't fit anything! And when this particular bag is being toted off to college, why would the girls burden their own hands and wrists from carrying the four books and two notebooks when they can just as easily get larger purse to do the job for them? Spare us the cliches of fashion not supposed to make sense etc. We shall fight for this quixotic mania gripping the brains of airheads in favor for more reasonable, durable alternatives! Why we insist on making this our personal problem is beyond us. Carry on.

The Facebook Status Making the Rounds on Everyone's Status

By everyone, we mean of course the people we had to bribe in order for them to accept us as friends and who are predominantly Palestinian/Arab.

Dear Europe, Sorry about that cloud of ash over your heads and you can't travel anywhere. We feel just the same. Sincerely, Gaza.

That's like, deep. Speaking of which, the volcano continues to smolder in its afterbirth pain after begetting infinitival amounts of infernal hellions.

Talk about bad analogies.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Targeted Citizen

This video by Adalah is gold. We're greatly interested in the Palestinians living in the 1948 region. Not as a different species, but as in what goes on in their lives, what experiences they have, what liberty or justice they face on a daily basis. We love DAM.

Is that South African chick for realz? Muslims are ugly? We're both extremely good-looking, that's why taxi drivers and shopkeepers give us a freebie now and then. We just don't need to expose half of our bra to do so. And white cheap shoes? Admitting to actually never meeting a real life Arab before? Stupidity is a blessing for some. Moron.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Pictures! Just look at those guys gorging themselves! Sa7tein ya 3alam.
Oh and 500 chickens were sacrificed for this feat. We love them chickens...vegetarians are missing out on the earthly ambrosia yep yep!

Bits and Bobs

The largest musakhan dish in the whole wide world was made today, in the village of Arourah in the Ramallah district. That's 3arourah. We are still awaiting pictures, and would have gone to the actual event if not for some inconvenient movie screening. This marks the third time we enter the Guiness Book of World Records, the previous two times for the biggest plate of knafe in Nablus and the longest thobe/traditional dress in Hebron. There was something about having the longest caricature on the Apartheid Wall as another record-breaker but we haven't heard anything. Watch Israel counteract by making the biggest 'heritage food' sample ever. Their falafel and hummus stink!

These dangnabbitty strikes are confuddling the shiznit out of us. This week was supposed to an open strike, yet on Saturday by the trusted (not) student grapevine we heard that no, there will be classes on Monday, then yesterday on the news the ticker presented the news that all public universities will be on strike Monday...Birzeit isn't a public university since the salaries don't come from the rotten PA...but because the decision came from the Higher Education Board, we thought that meant all universities. As a result, we didn't go to our classes today, and instead spent a lovely afternoon eating the heinously overpriced legendary Rukab ice cream.

The 36th Prisoners' Day was commemorated on the 17th in Gaza and the West Bank, where thousands of families turned out to morally support their loved ones in Israeli jails. Events were organized, and the kids had something to enjoy to soften the pain of losing their fathers to the occupation. In Ramallah, a half-assed demonstration, much like the one about the Infiltrator Order, was on show.

The Iceland volcano causing disruption all over Europe has a most beguiling name. Eyjafjallajokull. And we thought Kilimanjaro was hard to pronounce, with all the glottal and nasal sounds..ahem.

Old man Abbas has stated the groundbreaking revelation that Israel does NOT have the right to deport any Palestinian, and that the PA will simply not stand for it! You go Abbas! What has your government done so far about the 200 Palestinians already deported? Dick.

Pole Dancing is Empowering

It makes women feel powerful, it makes them feel respected, it makes them feel like they're on top, it makes them feel mighty, paramount, commanding, competent, dynamic! What kind of hashish has the Cambridge Union Society been smoking? They are offering their female students a pole dancing class to make them view themselves as compelling and accomplished women. Now, we are not going to be judgmental just because the words 'pole dancing' are thrown about so we will just expand our tightly stretched open-mindedness an inch more and accept the fact that POLE DANCING IS A DEMEANING AND DEGRADING MATTER!! It incapacitates the long arduous feminist struggle of forcing the world to view women as able-minded creatures who are more than boobs and bootys and can take their place in the world side by side with men! (Actually, feminists work to put women ahead of men..."it's not fair we have to bear kids and juggle motherhood with a career! Men should be the ones who get pregnant!") People, strippers do not enjoy their work! They hate performing, night after night, the sexy routines for married, stressed, and hornified businessmen, politicians, deadbeats, wasters, loners, losers, college boys, etc. Do not be fooled by their commercialized image on movie screens, where they are depicted as hot little mamas who dance the night away for a thousand bucks who eventually fall for the casino boss or a mobster's best friend! Pole dancing is only empowering to scary girls with men's voices who implore to be slapped, just like Miley Disturbing Cyrus. Women, by all means, do embrace your sexuality, there's nothing wrong with that! But there are means of embracing sexuality in non-belittling ways! Dear Lord, there are a thousand ways to make women feel empowered, and this is definitely not one of them. However, the spokesWOMAN of the Cambridge Union Society begs to differ:
"We are of the opinion that classes like these are a way of empowering women… if an intelligent, independent woman wishes to learn a particular form of dance in respectable surroundings we see nothing degrading in that."

What about stupid thick-headed women? Will it be empowering for them? And why oh why does it have to be THIS form of dancing? Why not...crunk? It's more heavier than hip hop! And ballet...does it not empower women? Standing on their bleeding toes and leaping up in the air and twirling around majestically sounds empowering! And exhausting...and bulimic..oh ok. Women who see nothing wrong with this will argue that pole dancing is just a fun and different way to get fit and meet new girlfriends. Well! Pole dancing did not originate from the need to make new friends and to get washboard abs now did it..Pole dancing has always served as a way to objectify women as well as an exploitation of labor. Look at us, we sound like feminists God forbid. But this isn't about equal rights between the two sexes or whatever, it's about slapping a few heads to make them see reason and to abstain from romanticizing pole dancing. Silly news. Next they'll be projecting that prostitution prepares one for motherhood 78% more than monogamy simply because the mother to be undertaking prostitution will feel a deep empty unfulfilled need in her psyche from all the gauging penises afflicted on her delicate soul, and that that emptiness will morph into desperate yet supreme unconditional love and attachment to the future baby.

Alternatives to Empower Women
  • Castrate men and laugh at them..Make eunuchs out of men! Oooh catchy!
  • Have a lot of people who love you..that way, they can watch the kids while women can go out and kick the world's ass!
  • Use their own children against their spouses..oh wait..already been done
  • Stop the clingy dependency on males (50/50 girls!)
  • Watch Femme Fatale on a loop
  • Use biologically natural and not computer enhanced women on billboards
  • Substitute insecurity with rage
  • Have a Creole Lady Marmalade theme party every week

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ramallah Rally against Racist Order

Nice alliteration no? Flipping over to the al-Jazeera Live channel, we saw people congregated around the Manara. Finally, something to show that not all of them were sleeping. We got up, got dressed, went out to join them, and as we were chatting with family friends, who did we see pushing his pugnacious face in and around other people? Certified Israeli Collaborator Mohammad Dahlan that's who. Since he's from Gaza, we hope he gets the full treatment of the Infiltrator Order. Just him. Well maybe a select few as well i.e. those who are like him. Palestinians were joined by hippies-scratch that, international activists- who kept us entertained by the colorful lettering on their t-shirts and their God awful dreads. Amira Hass, the Israeli reporter who broke the news in Haaretz, was also present. A clown, for some reason, was also there. Since we arrived late, we missed out on the lively conversations of the people around us. Here are a few quotes though:
"Everything affiliated with Gaza, the Zionists want to make it seem as if it's a curse"
"I'm from Gaza, I guess I'll be in hiding soon" (said with tongue-in-cheek)
"You're threatened by this aren't you? So am I!"

Monday, April 12, 2010

Ethnic Cleansing is a Law Now!

The Israeli military forces have passed an extremely racist doctrine which states that everyone in the West Bank must have an Israeli issued ID card (haweeya) or they will face expulsion and imprisonment for seven years. The intelligent thing about this is that even if the accused person proved that he/she is lawfully allowed in the area, they will still face three years in prison. It makes sense as much as Bush's belief that he was doing God's work in invading and occupying Iraq and Afghanistan does. Unbelievable doesn't even cut it. This fucked up law goes by the name of Order Regarding Prevention of Infiltration. Let's see which people living in the West Bank are threatened by this:

1) All of them (Palestinians/foreigners)
2) Those who don't have West Bank IDs
3) Those whose parent(s) are from Gaza, even if they were born in the West Bank
4) Those who are from Gaza, even if they are married to a West Bank resident
5) Those who have Gaza IDs/ Gaza addresses
6) Those who are foreigners married to Palestinians
7) Those who are international activists or journalists
8) Those who are from Jerusalem and carry Jerusalem IDs
9) Those who are Israeli "citizens"

God Damn. It's estimated that when this order will be put into effect (April 13 2010) tens of thousands of Palestinians will by deported/jailed and branded with the new It word of the Zionist regime, INFILTRATOR: a person who entered the Area unlawfully following the effective date, or a person who is present in the Area and does not lawfully hold a permit.

Shove this up your asses, you people who believe and advocate a two state solution. Occupation dictates the life of Palestinians, in which they have absolutely no say.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Co-Joined Babies Die

Well this is heart-wrenching. Retal and Ritaj Abu-Asi passed away today. The twins from Gaza were transferred to King Abdullah Aziz Medial City in Riyadh, which the Saudi king specially coordinated. For some reason, we had such high hopes that the twin girls could be successfully operated on. However, it was revealed after medical tests were conducted that the twins shared a liver, digestive and respiratory system, and a heart that could not be operated on, as well as intense bacterial infection. The Health Minister of Saudi Arabia Abdullah Ar-Rabi'a said that the twins had a low survival rate.


April 9th was the second Poetry of Palestine night, held at the cute little Cafe la Vie for the second time. The first POP was in February 10th (it's supposed to be every second Wednesday of every month) and saw performances from Remi Kanazi, Tala Abu-Rahme, and Birzeit's very own TA from the English department, Laila Shikaki. There were interludes from Tashweesh, and the atmosphere was buzzing and infectious. The tiny cafe was crowded with people, but we all had such a good time we were prepared to ignore the mass smoking and dragon flasks of beer circling around.

This second night had mostly Arabic poetry from Zakaria Mohammad, Najwan Darwish, and from Haifa, Asmaa Azaizeh (who has such a deep melodic voice). Tashweesh participated again, and after 8 pm there was an open mic session where wannabes can read their words they have ripped off from somewhere. Ok, that's harsh, but it's part of our hilariously (un)witty humor. A cultural anthropologist from Montreal, Canada also performed, and she was one of the few English voices of the night. Her poems she sang in a most beautiful voice. Yet for the life of us we can't remember her name...Nira..somethingRussianesque. As opposed to the first POP night, instead of standing seats were provided.The atmosphere was a little quiet, but we blame that on the putrid smoking fumes infesting our brain cells. Seriously, the hell is up with that? We never knew we could hold our breaths for as long as two poem readings just so we won't end up dying at the tender age of 25 from second hand smoking.

Our sardonic nature made us a bit disorientated with the night though. How can we articulate this eloquently...let's start with Disillusionment. The first POP night seriously inspired us. Here's a secret: we wrote a few poems. Yep. We were on a roll, we had fixed in our minds that we could single-handedly turn Birzeit Uni into a love shack, liberate Palestine, and achieve world peace. It was all in our capability. Yesterday night, as we looked around, we started to make fun of the people in attendance. Including ourselves, since we have no shame. What kind of people are we? Are we turning into that layer of Palestinian society, the "artistic artists", the ones who grow out their hair and wear a satchel and sit in cafes/coffee shops smoking and typing away at laptops, quoting a couple of verses from Mahmoud Darwish's poems to make themselves sound 'cultured', getting high on cannabis and viewing the rest of the people as sad, unhappy fools who just need LOVE in their lives, unaware that they're the ones who have gone off the deep end by making a lover a figment of their imagination and calling her Rita?

We need to go lie down.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Back a few days after Easter break, and we have no desire to do anything whatsoever but to sleep sleep sleep. Damn April. Our workload has increased about a tenfold, second exams are next week, yet they might be postponed because the teachers are striking, yet again, Monday through Wednesday. The week after will be an open strike meaning that our Easter break just got extended from then until the end of the month. Unless the teachers get what they want of course.

The students wouldn't like to be left out so we're pretty sure they'll be striking too. What came first the chicken or the egg?
Students: Striking because of the annual increase in tuition costs
Teachers: Striking because of their low salaries and lack of retirement benefits
Insensible outcome: a) Raising the tuition costs even more so that the teachers will receive higher salaries, or b) Lowering the tuition costs so students can afford to pay, at the expense of the teachers' salaries.
This never ending perpetual cycle should be viewed as a welcome respite to us degenerate fools but we heard SHOCK HORROR that summer classes might be cancelled as a result. Oh heeeyyyyyl no. There goes our (what we deemed to be) flawless plan to graduate in three years, not four. It's not the end of the world, extra semester might actually make us feel fond of BZU. We might actually grow to like it. We might revert back to the happy-go-lucky gals we used to be back in the days. And we are determined to graduate with all our bitter cynical virulent and acrimonious state of mind intact. Melting at the sight of chubby babies still makes us mean. Fahmeen?

Moving on...papers were passed out by the student council calling upon all students to take part in protests and rallies in solidarity with about eight thousand Palestinians (300 of them being children) in Israel's jails, who have initiated a hunger strike to inveigh their deplorable squalid living conditions, torture and violations of human rights laws at the hands of the IOF. We're glad this has been brought up, but it goes without saying that the majority won't heed or take part in the protests..that is, if they happen. Prisoners have complained of the humiliation family members suffer when they come to visit, noting that strip searching has become almost routine. Families in Gaza are restricted from seeing their sons, fathers, brothers, uncles, on the grounds of themselves posing a 'security risk'. Our hearts are with all the prisoners, it makes us even more determined to resist the occupation. Boycott all Israeli products, skanks!

Gaza will be plunged into darkness for the next three days, as fuel for the only power plant in the Strip has run out, and all borders remain closed. We wonder how many people can stand to live just 24 hours of a normal day in Gaza today. The whole siege is despicable, yet the castrated international community watches on with explicit silence. The things we take for granted...
In other hopeful news, the first Palestinian Siamese twins were transferred from Gaza to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia where doctors are to perform the separation operation. We hope the two little week old babies make it!

We found out in a semi-entertaining class what the Hindus, whose customs are the most similar in regards to the Arab ones, do on their wedding night. We think it's awesome. Apart from requiring the bride and groom to be virgins, the groom covers his face with a sheet during the hump time. The bride gets all the seeing glory, while the groom has to find his way by grappling around. This prompted a fellow-male, we should add- student next to us to say, "Well, blind sex is the most amazing thing ever. Did you see Gabriella and Carlos {of Desperate Housewives) doing it with their blindfolds on?"