Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Humus Can Syndrome

Look at this. Just look at it! Feast your eyes at the three headed monster that resides under those colorful wraps. Amy Winehouse's beehive got NUFFINK on this. Alien heads, you have surpassed the humongous nogginity of the true extra terrestrial species. We blame you, Tim Burton, for forcing the extraneous beings onto our screens.
And now we've gone on a two woman mission to get to the root of this crazy, fugly moda. Where else would the deranged Arab woman get her inspiration from? The whole point is to give the appearance that underneath the scarf, theres a whole lotta hair going on. And guys love that. We remember last year helping a friend out for her seminar, and her survey yielded some interesting results. Such as, BZU guys prefer a girl with long hair, big breasts, and capris/skirts only if her legs are shaved. Hard not to roll the eyes. But this..this fad that has spread across the campus among hijabis like a wildfire, and to a larger extent across Ramallah and other non-gulf Arab cities is simply put, ridiculous. There is nothing attractive about walking precariously with a three foot chinchilla curled up at the top of one's head. Khaleeji style schmaleeji style. We won't stand for this. Nope, we're gonna picket and riot until these fraudulent manes are disposed with forever and ever. We've sat, pointed, and laughed at the degrading fashion choices of our kin. We've offered some soul-searching advice only to get bitch slapped. We tried, for two years now to ameliorate the astoundingly horrific couture of the campus by combining lovely shirts with jeans and chucks only to get hissed upon. And now, with this phenomena, we are forced to transform ourselves into Save the Hijab activists, only to be accused of patriarchy and perpetuating the old system. So, onwards with the incipient mainspring of the (what we hope to be) passing fancy.

Note: Our investigatory probing excludes the gulf states.

How fitting. The make up is quite understated though, as our sisters out there use their one hundred and sixty five brushes with as much aplomb as Monet would for his paintings. What about this?

God we love Huey. Attitude, spunk, great hair. But naw, too intelligent.


We're getting closer..after all, the 'style' is a bit crack-headed.


Imagine that under a hijab, Ok, we'd rather not.

Hm. perhaps history can explain this. Regurgitated fashion and all that.

Marie Antoinette, yes?

Let's take a more contemporary approach.

Ugh. To the movie.



A thousand curses upon you, you degenerate scumbag! How could you? Or mayhap we should turn our shaking fingers on the US viewers who lap up every episode of Jersey Wack Shore thereby catapulting you into stars light and fame. Oh, how could you!
Oh, the uncanny resemblance!

So yeah, Palestinian women have got great thick curly hair (mmph!) but that's what they want you to believe. To give their tarboosh heads that over the top oomph they use these magnetic devices that operate mechanically according to the position of the lunar moon and the solar energy of- all right, it's a clip. A flower clip. Gosh we feel bad. We have just unearthed one of the divine secrets of womanhood.
See how-there's no other word for it-stupid this looks? It doesn't even help with posture, as we've seen one too many girls walking with their necks stuck out-cowpoke just crossed our minds- or tilted all the way behind which gives the impression of being pulled back by some invisible strings and not, as they presume, of a high and mighty royal appearance. Invisible strings of moda. Le sigh. The funny thing is, whenever we happen to be at an accessory/hijab store we give those flower clips a most petulant and derisive look, and the store keeper catches our eye and we both smile and roll our eyes heavenward. The suppliers are laughing too!! It is much more efficient to just stick a humus can on the head, secure it with super glue, and wrap it with a shela. It gives the desired look, and as a bonus, in the hot days the can will start leaking and you will have the pleasure of sticking out your tongue for some good ole dripping humus. Beware, the humus can syndrome!

Right to Education International Student Conference

The first of its kind, this conference aims to build and reinforce a global network of students who all share the concept of ensuring the right of education to students in Palestine. It was held over the course of two days, Tuesday 27th and Wednesday 28th, and due to mundane elements such as exams, we were only able to attend the first day. In its own words, "this conference will provide a much needed forum to share knowledge and experiences as well as discussing future strategies."

Some background info:
The Right to Education Campaign (R2E) was established in the late 1970's as a means for providing legal advice to students and faculty members alike. It became more institutionalized during the first Intifada. It encapsulates three basic aims:
  • To raise the awareness of students by activities such as workshops and documentations
  • To provide reliable information about education under occupation
  • To build an international campaign in support of the right to education for Palestinians. This was demonstrated in two speaking tours in the recent years.
The conference started off with introductory speeches and then a Reporting Session, in which students around the world gave reports on student activism. Presentations by BZU students were also given, with topics ranging from the impact of the Wall on education, the effect of checkpoints on education, and the growing popularity of academic boycott. There was live twinning with Gaza's university students, who obviously couldn't attend. Random fact- the last time a student "legitimately" studied at Birzeit Uni from Gaza was in 2004. There's a documentary about the student, called Lucky Ahmad.

The convention, although long, (10-5 pm) was an engrossing and interesting experience. It's main objectives are found here, and we'll just pick a couple.
" To exchange knowledge and resources amongst the different campus organizers specifically on building effective solidarity links between students in Palestine and across the world; and initiating campus BDS campaigns with successful follow-up
"To establish important links between international activists and Palestinian student activists."

The second day encompassed seven different workshops where the participants were able to share experiences, tools of analysis, and recommendations. They were:
  • BDS
  • Media and Writing
  • Gaza (by video conference)
  • Public speaking and presentations
  • Why Apartheid?
  • November Week
  • Challenges faced on campuses
We're pretty miffed we missed out on that, but such is the student life. The first day was fascinating in that we got to engage with different foreigners about the conflict. For some, it was their first time coming to the Occupied Territories, and they admitted that it was pretty overwhelming learning about the different aspects of life under occupation. Others were leaning towards the whole "it's a religious thing" but we hoped our arguments convinced them otherwise.

Best part of the conference? Meeting Jody McIntyre, no doubt :)

Note of bother (since we can't help ending anything but in negativity): Birzeit students, where you at? Pretty sad/embarrassing that such a low (very low) number turned out.

UPDATE: We're linked over at

Thursday, July 22, 2010

This Past (Past) Week

Where oh where have we been these past two weeks? Where were we, as self-professed football fanatics, when our team choice won? Where were were to gently mock Iker Cassillas' blubbering tears? And to capitalize on the moment by spamming our blog with Dahhvid Villa's mug
plastered all over? Shit, that's not gonna stop us.

All higgedly-piggedly like. Look at that face, bless him. The Ayrabs here celebrated like there was no tomorrow, honking yelling skidding along in their cars all night. Guns were brought out and shots fired in the air, and in Jordan, land of moronic people, one of these shots caught an old woman who died on the spot. Only Arabs...

Where were we when we missed the first lady of Arabic hip hop Shadia Mansour's private party at the Snowbar? Our Good Shit/mazzika section is all about hip hop, the sound of revolution etc etc etc, so how could we miss an opportunity like this? Oh well. By the way, Shadia's music is pretty amazing. She has a lovely voice that can switch to cutting edge lyrics in a second.

EU foreign policy cheif Catherine Ashton visited Gaza, humanitarian aid ships from Libya were refused access to Gaza's waters, and Gaza's borders with Egypt are open indefinitely, perhaps a sign of Mubarak's impending death? That's where our summer vacation will be! Fingers crossed.

Today starting from 8 AM fireworks punctured the periwinkle sky at rapid succession. The Tawjeehi results, which are the end of year results of 12th grade students and not high school elections as one foreigner explained sagely, are out and the names of the students who passed are in the newspapers. On campus, there were groups huddled around pouring over the long columns of tiny names, seeing whether their siblings/cousins/relatives/neighbors/friends/enemies passed or not, and just what their exact average is. One girl was passing out knafe! Mabrook/mazel tov, let the crazy nights and crazier parties begin. Our headaches are starting from now.

Lowkey was detained at Ben Gurion Airport Tuesday for half a day before being released. Wherever he's going, we're clawing our way to hang on to his coat tails.

A small meeting commenced today concerning the Right to Education conference taking part on the 27th and 28th of July. The aim is to build a global network of students concerned with the education rights of Palestians living in the Occupied Territories. We've signed up for this, and some 40 international students are expected to join in. Spread the word!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Ah, the Honorable IDF

The answer to that question would be Saudi Arabia.
Bill Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell" policy won't work here.
What's the big deal with not allowing gay people to serve in an army?
But then, gay people are so much more smarter and know better than to serve in a terrorist army. No to the pinkwashing of the IOF!
See groups such as: Queers Against Israeli Apartheid, Toronto; Queers Undermining Israeli Terrorism; LGBTQ (lesbians gays bisexuals trans-gendered and queers).

PS...are Palestinian queers allowed to join the army? According to the ad they should be..the only democracy is so thoughtful...but wait, what's this? Suckers!

This hilarious (not) video shows that the IDF have got HUMOR! How refreshing to see! After all the hardships they've been through, it's amazing that they still know how to entertain themselves and others. The bastards are in Hebron, Shuhada street which prohibits Palestinians from using that road and is open exclusively to the deranged settlers, which make up one percent of Hebron's population. Please dear viewers, don't stop here, check out other videos that depict just how funny life for Palestinians in Hebron really is.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Good Shit

We've been behind on our musical posting expertise, but that doesn't mean we still don't groove to the dope beats. We might as well give a list of who we listen to and the reasons why we love them, but patience children patience. Anticipation does not, as the delightful Alex Turner pointed out, has a habit for setting you up for disappointment. Shh just nod and agree with us.

Without further ado, here is Omar Offendum's latest video called Destiny from his newly released solo album, SyrianamericanA.

It's pretty awesome, no? And he raps in Arabic now! Between you and us, he is the only man we are willing to share as a husband. What, he's allowed four wives, and we very much give our consent to be co-wives! In fact, then we can finally live our decadent fantasy of some Bab il-Hara show, where we get to call him ibn 3ami, have petty jealousies and the essential need for popping out tons of male heirs and then worrying about getting them married to the best girls, all mused over menial housework chores and sifting lentils, take over our lives. How many other Arab men are bilingual in ARABIC (most importantly!) and English, God-fearing monks (scratch that word out), and are pleasing to look at? Damn but we can get so superficial. It's ok, we love him, hence the ignoring of his accomplishments and the lauding of his yummy self.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

God Awful Ad for Israeli Tourism

We first saw this a few months ago and subsequently vomited up everything in our system for three consecutive days. Now, we've decided to post it only to point out the substandard acting of the two goons partaking in this sorry mess. More like, how Israel uses sex sex and more sex to promote its tourist industry. Come to Israel frat boys! We have Israeli--exclusively Jewish of course-- bitches who are willing to get down on their knees for you all the time! We have beaches! We have sun! We have bronzed gods and goddesses who walk among us! Just be sure to use the highways we have designated for you, lest you make a wrong turn and end up in some ghetto Palestinian neighborhood, where men stone you for inappropriate dressing and shrieking (that's ululating, to get technical) women send their bomb-strapped sons after you! Just stick to Tel Aviv and you'll be fine. Eh, what about Gaza you say? Hey, you HAVE to go to Jerusalem, where our colonialist powers are displayed brazenly for all to see. See this beautiful ancient neighborhood? Arabs were trespassing for decades, unwittingly thinking they have the right to live in the houses, but we got a court order and now its pure Israeli baby! Don't forget to visit Yad Vashem, it's amazing how amazing we became from our not so amazing past, the victims of the Holocaust and vicious Anti-Semitism, persecution, racism etc. Palestinians? They're all dirty laborers with horrible white shoes who hate us, don't worry about them. COME TO ISRAEL, A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!