Original Jordanians Throw a Tantrum After They Lose Football Match

Ah, Jordan. That country whose leading Bedouin clan were all to ready to lap up some imperialistic lie that they were descended from the very same clan that Prophet Mohammad belonged to, and therefore justified into enthroning themselves in sagacious royalty.

Nowadays, saying something like how 80 percent of Jordan are Palestinians isn't that far fetched at all. But the resentment for Palestinians is quite strong, which leads to the joke of how Palestinian Jordanians hate Palestinian Palestinians. This is just another form of brainwash, at least to us. Jordan was scared that military action would emerge from the Palestinian refugee camps it had and so went on a quest to obliterate any form of resistance through any means possible. The result was for those brainwashed an embraceable whole new mother country, complete with full citizenship. Jordan's few tribes still lead and control the order, and of course they are not below the law at all meaning that they can get away with anything. They certainly don't want Palestinians to be integrated fully into their own sense of society, so a few laws or rights are missing from the life of the Palestinians lest they forget that they are in fact guests of a neighboring country and are allowed to live and build their lives purely from the good will of the previous King Hussein. Discrimination is alive and well. Beneath the normalcy of daily life tension simmers away, waiting for any excuse to boil over.

Such was the case on Friday over an innocent football match between rivals Wihdat and Faisali. The Wihdat team, named after the largest Palestinian refugee camp in Jordan, are mostly made up of members who are of Palestinian origin as are their fans, whereas the Faisali team members and fans are of native Jordanian Bedouin tribes. The team is actually sponsored (read controlled) by the Adwan tribe. Wihdat won, beating Faisali 1-0 so naturally all hell broke loose because how DARE these Palestinians win over sacred ruling class blood? Fans attacked each other and many were injured, including policemen (who served up their own special brand of brutality against the Wihdat fans) after the wire fence separating fans from the pitch broke down. This isn't the first time fights between rival fans break out-last year the Faisali team chanted insults about Queen Rania-who is a Palestinian-and offered the King two wives from their own origin instead. What is with all the hating. Well we do get it, but what we mean is WHY, what's with all this pettiness about who's greater than who and intolerance and hatred and racism and bigotry-can't we all just get a bong?

Ugh. Jordanian ultra-nationalism.

Qatar 2022

How in God's name did His Mammoth Majesty find a suit big enough to fit him?

We never joined the facebook groups yodelling QATAR 2022 FOR WORLD CUP nor participated in general gushing about what it would be like for Qatar hosting the event. To be honest, it didn't sound all that appealing. The WEATHER people. There's a difference between sunny countries and infernos. And all that technology they're claiming to use that will cool down temperatures in the new swanky stadiums is faulty and a lie and even if it will work it will malfunction causing mass hysteria and stampedes and suffocations and death. Also, there's no alcohol allowed! What kind of football tournament host country is that! There go the English, scurrying back to their homes and air conditioned pubs. Another thing-women can't wear tube tops or hot pants! Where's the justice in this world! Apparently, this crime is punishable by fifty lashes! And they must travel with a mahram and ask his permission whenever they want to go out. Oh but this is the last straw: homosexual behavior is NOT tolerated. Forget lashes, this time it's execution! How could Fifa let Qatar host this amazingly popular tournament. Of course, oily money talks [hehe see what we did there]. Screw Fifa, Qatar, and the powers that be.

So the above wailing was the overwhelming response we saw on one too many forums and message boards. Gosh if it's that bad without having said wailing person actually visiting the country then imagine how worse it could be in reality when they grow a pair of balls and actually see Qatar in person. But then that could be refuted by one of those annoying all-knowing pompous fools who start their comments with: "I'm from New Zealand and I've lived in Qatar for three years now and that makes me qualified to talk condescendingly about the country and the systems it employs and the abhorrent social stratification and incurable sexism it portrays on a daily basis." Look, it's a tiny country, half the size of Wales (and yes Mr American neighbor-in- the-past, Wales counts as a country) with a population of 1.6 million, and very rich in natural resources that the US loves to monopolize. Indian workers get jailed by being grossly and falsely accused of attempted rape of Qatar's overly affluent insecure hornified women, immigrant workers are not represented adequately if at all and live in squalid conditions, and western foreigners get treated like kings as long as they have a license for beer and tell their partners to cover their shoulders in public. That's the kind of country Qatar is, much like other Gulf countries and the city of Dubai. Oh, here's another diatribe about the outrageous human rights violations. We hate using this line unless we're joking, but It's 'cause we're Arab, isn't it? So easy and fun to vilify. Had America won the vote, everyone would be lauding the growing gay acceptance and the hordes of willing prostitutes-never mind the obtrusive racism, dangerous ignorance, and human rights violations it commits on a daily business, both domestically and abroad. So now, in the honeyed speeches of Qataris, this is a collective Arab win. It will unite Arabs together, before another western mercenary stirs the waters to produce infighting and supplying of weapons. Qatar's motto on its bidding posters was 'Expect Amazing'. South Africa was a successful host, but that took its devastating toll on its countrymen. We're talking whole townships being uprooted to make way for the stadiums. Qatar had promised that after its hosting duties, it will distribute stadium pieces to poorer Middle Eastern countries. We'd like the whole piece of the one on water please.

Anyway, our thoughts on Qatar 2022. What the hell, that's twelve years from now and we'd be in our 30's and that notion is too petrifying to even contemplate living being that old.

We just hope the Palestine football team make it.

What if Israel qualify? A long shot, we know -haha- but that could be a diplomatic struggle right there, which will culminate in the world boycotting Qatar and cancelling the World Cup.

Eh, 12 years is a long time. We could be MOTHERS by then. Ok we're panicking blank mind blank mind blank mind!

This Past Week

Monday: Our last day of freedom, of laziness, of unprecedented lie-ins. 17 hours is our record. We spent that day trying hard not to mope about the dawning summer classes, heart to heart talks up on the rooftop, stuffing our faces, and clinging sloth-like to whatever comfortable furniture in our way.

News that Iran is to send humanitarian aid ships with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard escorting them makes our hearts flutter a bit. Could this be if it were indeed carried out the catalyst for World War III? Neocons and Zionuts certainly need no rational reason to wage war. If the Mavi Marmara flotilla carried terrorists affiliated with Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda who were armed with butter knives then God knows what these Iranian aid ships might have on board...Hitler's spawn and nails yanked out of planks. Now naturally, we believe that any country has the right to send whatever kind of humanitarian aid it can supply to break an immoral and illegal siege that has devastated the lives of 1.5 million civilians trapped on a tiny strip of land. If the U.S and Israel want to seize this act as a pretext to decimate Iran because of the threat it imposes with its nuclear power (completely glossing over the fact that Israel has nuclear power as well) then this calls for a specialized team of Bristows and Vaugns to perform a top notch secret operation that involves tightening the screws and possibly using injections of brain intelligence delivered to the white folks that run this earth. We did not sound like conspiracy theorists there at all. So far, numerous countries have announced that they are putting together another flotilla, bigger and better than before, with 50 ships and more than 4 thousand volunteers signed up so far. Haitham Sabbah, editor of Palestine Think Tank published this somewhat controversial piece stating his firm opinion that Iran is only using this situation where international outcry at Israel's terrorist actions on the flotilla is loud and ringing for its own propagandist reasons, and that these reasons might come at the expense of the Gazan civilians. Make what you want of that.

Tuesday: 1st day of summer classes. Naturally we didn't go, preferring sleep and our mental health.

Wednesday: Enough faffing about, we rose like Shaun of the Dead and made our way back to the university, only to sit around doing nothing as 1 in 3 teachers showed up. Helen Thomas, the longest serving White House correspondent, stated that Israelis should "get the hell out of Palestine...They should go home. To Germany, Poland, America and everywhere else." Naturally, the 89 year old has been slaughtered with vitriolic self-righteous Zionist words, being called everything from an anti-Semite (big surprise) to a blundering old fool (unfair) to a xenophobic (never side with the brown people) to an infiltrator terrorist (we bet) to a sandnigger sympathizer (we know) to a Mujahida (we did not see that one). Never mind we made up the last three accusations, they have been made and we don't need credible sources to cite from. She was pressured to resign, after 50 years on the job. Freedom of speech once again, prepare to get slandered!

Thursday: Back in it again, this time some improvement seeing as 2 out of 3 teachers showed up. We got invited to the Youth Boycott Movement in the beautiful village of Jifna, but after reading more about it and discovering that the boycott movement is for the settlement products only, we tossed our heads and gave a derisive snort. When will they ever learn...there is no difference between Israeli settlement products and Israeli products..key word ISRAELI. The Karama (Dignity) Pledge is an insult, but then again it was devised by the Palestinian Authority so that explains it. See the farcical connection here or do we have to elaborate more..well why not. The rotten PA has taken it upon themselves to expel any settlement products from the areas it controls and to fine/imprison anybody selling them. It's a LAW now, something to make them feel a tad more pretentious. They devised this great big thing called the Karama Pledge which people sign their names onto a piece of paper, affirming that from now on they won't buy said sordid products. A campaign ripped off of Intajuna called Min Beit la Beit (From House to House) has 3000 volunteers going around houses and educating the inhabitants on the detrimental results of buying settlement goods. They also distribute a list of settlement products/companies and the alternatives that can be bought instead. Don't get us wrong, we're glad that some form of political group has finally undertaken the initiative of boycotting, but limiting this boycott to settlements only is so wrong. The impression people get is that boycotting settlement products is now a must but Israeli products can still be bought and consumed. Hypocrisy at its slinkiest best, and if we see one more Goddamn yellow sticker declaring YOU AND YOUR CONSCIENCE we'll do more than scream like raving lunatics in the middle of the street. We might resort to running around naked. We might.

Friday: The 11th of June!!!!!!!!!!!!!Can only mean one thing!!!!!!!!!! WORLD CUP 2010!!!!!!!!!! We've been waiting YEARS for this (specifically, 4) and we gobbled up every moment of the opening ceremony. Favorite part hands down? Archbishop Desmond Tutu getting his groove on complete with scarf and hat. We would like to pinch his cheeks for this, how adorable was that? We figured that a snapshot of this would go viral, yet our search engines have come up with nothing. We'll keeping searching, someone must have it...Our teams of choice? Argentina and Spain. It would be hilarious of Argentina won, imagine Maradona's inflatable ego soaring past the seven heavens all the while giving the finger to everyone who mocked and denounced his skills as a manager and a recovering crack addict. But we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves with such fantasies. To be honest with ourselves though...we expected a whole lot more from the opening ceremony. There were parts we didn't get (what's up with that giant beetle?) and we needed more joyous singing and dancing. And we couldn't believe that there were hundreds of empty seats in the stadium! Possibly reserved for us and our extended families.

One last thing, just to bring people's attention to this. Translated video of what went down in the Knesset when MK Hanin Zoabi tried to speak. The only democracy in the middle east harasses and name calls and accuses and slanders a fellow MK for trying to speak the truth, that Israel is a terrorist bigoted arrogant militaristic state.

Ms Zoabi, we have immense respect for you. Plus you're hot, with those good old Palestinian looks. Love.

Wavin' Flag

Now with us being huge fans of football and all, we like to keep ourselves updated with the latest news on the 2010 FIFA World Cup. We have the countdown drilled into our heads down to the last nanosecond. Knowing that every world cup has a theme song of its own we wondered what this year's was going to be. Pavarotti's vocals still send shivers down our spines. We still samba to Ricky Martin's The Cup of Life (here we go! ole ole ole! go go go! ole ole ole!). Il Divo and Toni Braxton's song does nothing for us other than making us wistful for some Italian lover abound on a faraway ship. Finally, after those long, brutal months of waiting, the unveiling of the song has finally been made public, and it is... drum roll please..Wavin' Flag by Somalian artist K'naan! Others are arguing that Shakira's song, Waka Waka is the official song, but who cares! Wavin' Flag has some serious groove to it! It makes us jump and twirl and shimmy while simultaneously swaying a lighter back and forth. Perfect song for the perfect game? Or are we just so caught up with World Cup fever? CAN NOT WAIT!!!! Yet, our eyes couldn't avoid viewing a little something called 'Wavin' Flag-k'naan ft. Nancy Ajram.' We rue the moment we gave in to our curiosity. What the freak is that thing?! Having Nancy dance worse then a theatrical monkey just caused laughter, the mean kind, to bubble forth from us! But then we were also painfully hurt by this collaboration. Why take something so pure and good and infest it with...cheap Arabic music? Yes, CHEAP! Because that's what it sounds like! The dancing grates us, the scantily clad dancers enrage us, and the whole time we were thinking: after all those plastic surgeries she STILL ends up looking like that? Ohh haters! Sad to say this pain can never be taken back, unless we keep listening to the original song 25 times over and over again.

The Fake Thing

The Real Thing

Gaza World Cup!

We're far superior than yall who are counting down the days until the World Cup in South Africa (38 days!!) commences because a more important and more high-profile world cup is happening right now! Tis called...the Gaza World Cup. Unfortunately for us, we can't be there in person to witness history, what with all the occupation borders limitations permits and the rest of that jazz, but we have little things like Internet and Television Sets to observe the games keenly.

the WHAT!

Gaza World Cup! Have we said that already?

the WHO!

16 national teams: Palestine, England, Turkey, South Africa, Italy, USA, Russia, Ireland, Egypt, Algeria, Spain, Serbia, Germany, the Netherlands, France, and Jordan.

the WHY!

Palestinians love football. Yes douches, it is football. We don't even know what soccer means. Na3m?

the WHO IN-DEPTH!

We arrive at the cutesy part...these 'professional' players are foreign workers in Gaza representing their respective countries.

the UNEXPECTED!

The raising of the USA flag in Gaza. Intact, and not burning.

the WHERE!

A 5000-seater stadium.

the GOOD SAMARITANS!

The United Nations Development Program.

the SOURCE OF LAUGHTER!

The over-excited Bedouin commentator.

the OPENING GAME!

Palestine vs Italy. Italy won 1-0 credit to a penalty.

This is really amazing. We're avid fans of football, and even though we might occasionally kill each other over a game (Egypt vs Algeria..we have our differences right there) we still take up any opportunity that involves football. We're picturing normal people with normal bodies and normal (or less than) fitness levels, as opposed to the Adonis yummy six pack professional athletes, playing a good game of football. It's so cute! And really great...Palestine for the World Cup!