Life After University

When does one stop becoming a university student? Right after they take their last exam, or after the graduation ceremony?

People of the world, July 14th will always be remembered by me as the day I finished my fugly years at Birzeit, or Birzift University. In a fitting manner, my last exam was permeated by classical music sounding out from the teacher's cell phone, in order to soothe our nerves, before Mozart gave way to a Nancy Ajram song. In my mind's eye, as I skipped down the steps and out of the gate, behind me campus resembled an Alice Cooper stage set, fireworks fireworks and more fireworks.

I had dreamed of this day since my first week back when I was a sanfoora. My parents and older cousins would always tell me that I would regret my attitude toward university, as these years would be "the best years of your life." To each their own but they were in fact the worst years in my life owing to a number of factors.

• A sense of humor is not celebrated nor advocated
• The uppity faculty members who won't look you in the eye because your name doesn't start with Sir/Lady
• The students. The goddamn students
• The academic atmosphere which is encouraged to stay conventional

Graduation for those who finish after a summer semester is usually in August. That's what I keep telling everyone, and I'm slightly worried because their reaction has been the same: Are you sure?

Even if it wasn't, it's no biggie because graduation ceremonies are the gayest things since Tim Gunn came out. Which is fine if you're all for sappiness and smart dressing, but I'm not too bothered about attending or not.

Due to my increasingly dormant partner in crime Hebz, I've been too scared to find out the answer to whether a new blog must be made if I wanted to change the name of it. Hebz has another semester left, so I can always write here using that as an excuse. Oh I've just been struck by a sudden light of inspiration: from now on I'll include my memories of Birzeit, in addition to the increasingly non-related university shtick I post. And believe me I have a lot of pensive recollections.

By starting this blog, the bitterness and hatred of studying at BZU eventually ameliorated into good-natured humor. Well as good-natured as the circumstances would allow anyway. Whenever something pissed us off we wouldn't sit, cross our arms, and glare ferociously at the world like we used to back in our first year. I'd whip out a notebook and we'd start brainstorming for a post to put together on the blog. Sometimes we reverted back to our sanafer stances but that wasn't our fault at all. So yes, WRITING HAS BEEN THERAPEUTIC.

For me, [cliche warning ahead] it's time to step out into the real world. For my family, it's time for me to gain back the weight I've lost during the past three years, to develop a more positive and relaxed psychological state because as my mama keeps telling me, it's the only way I'll ever regain the thickness of my hair again.

Real World: find a job. There are some students are start working during their last semester. I'm not one of those students. I used to be in such a rush to finish just so I could work and bring home the moolah, but I've forgotten how good it feels to sleep at 5am and wake up at 2pm the next day, something I haven't done since I graduated from high school. Eh, I'll start looking next week. Or after Ramadan. Ok fine, next week.

Job Prospects

NGOs pay good money. I fucking hate NGOs and their policies. Plus I've heard that they are laying off a lot of people because they're scared that come September, all that USAid cash will stop flowing in.

Teaching is a massive no-no in my book. That's all.

I suck at translating. I also don't enjoy it.

I wish I was a waitress back when I studied. That sounds so wrong and so promiscuous in the context of Palestinian Arab culture. Efft.

I think I should just work on publishing my first book. It'll take years out of me, and I'll end up living in a sewage garret at one point, but then my book will explode on the scene and shake the world. J K Rowling used to be my role model. She's richer than the Queen now.

Family: My aunts like to point out that wink wink nudge nudge, watch out for a 3rees/suitor to come any day now for you! Suitors are also up there with teaching, another massive no-n0. I can't tell that to my aunts though; they'll think I'm deranged. So it's all about tight smiles bordering on grimaces and a few inshallahs to placate them.

Even though once again in our Palestinian Arab culture, I'm running out of excuses. Hey, you graduated from high school, that's good enough for the geezer generation. Hey, you graduated from university, that's good enough for the parents. Hey, you started working, you'll be doomed to a life of singledom and celibacy now. You can take the Arab out of the fob, but you can't take the fob from the Arab.

One thing I'll be doing soon--and hold your laughter I'm still quite sensitive about this topic--is learning how to drive. Whenever I'm in the driver's seat, the parent/uncle next to me suffers from a serious case of frozen Petrifying syndrome. What, can't help it if I've got the Schumacher genes in me.

For now, it's definitely onwards for me. Using Gaddafi's catchphrase, ILAL AMAM!

End of Semester Musings

For some reason, this was saved as a draft when it was supposed to be published a couple of weeks ago. Eagle eyes come in handy.

May 25th was the last day of exams. It was supposed to be May 14th but the joint strikes by university faculties meant that there was a week where everyone sat in their houses twiddling their thumbs. Those who finished their exams before May 13th got an extra week of vacation. We desperately wanted that since for the third year running, in a bid to finish our less than satisfactory university experiences in less than the required eight arduous semesters, we'll be taking summer classes. We forgot that summer used to be like hibernation to us. This year, the summer semester is divided up into two semesters, each 6 weeks long instead of the usual 9 week semester. We heartily approve.

As always, the first semester of the academic year was more enjoyable. We had late classes, so we always witnessed the beautiful sunset or the sun about to set. Plus campus gets relatively empty, and we were taken with the sudden revelation that BZU is actually very pretty when it is subtracted from its students.

Older people never fail to tell us whenever we mention the word "university" how it is the best years of anyone's life. That made us a bit depressed, before we learned what objectivity and subjectivity were. Maybe because we're nearing the end of this road, but we couldn't help from getting a little...nostalgic at odd moments. And then we'd come to our senses again and all would be right with the world again.

We pooled our thoughts and came up with what we enjoyed and what we didn't enjoy this semester. Not all of them were mutually agreed upon though.

• Shakespeare class….Honestly its not what it sounds like! Well, yeah actually it's all about Shakespeare, but it was extremely fun learning about that dead dude…Allah yir7amo! (Definitely not agreed upon. "Extremely fun"? I spent most of that class day dreaming about broomsticks and flying carpets.)

• Not having to attend an 8am class because of our English language proficiency. Believe us, this is the only perk of being English speaking/"native"!

• End of the semester projects! These little artistic activities enabled us to show our superlative acting, dancing and singing skills!

(Eh. So and so. It was fun dressing up as fairies but these projects merely added to our stress levels and list of Dumb Shit That's Unnecessary. One of us loves to act, dance and sing, the other is only willing to do that for a proper audience.)

• The familiarity/camaraderie with the department, students, and professors.

No Likey:

• Getting a new disastrous teacher in the middle of the semester. She made the rest of the semester unbearable! (Plus her name translates to Funny in Arabic. Yeah, we don't know why either.)

Having to walk as fast as the speed of light to make it to classes on time.

(There's the Business building, all the way over THERE, and then there's the Nursing building which is all the way over HERE. Ambling along takes about 11 minutes, power walking takes about 5 minutes, and running makes you a laughingstock. PS we're neither Business nor Nursing majors. Hmm.)

• Four words: Fudged up exam schedule.

Goodbye Semester

April 30th was the day the heavens flooded Ramallah in what's got to be the best end to the semester so far. And that is saying something, trust us. We celebrated by donning fairy wings, crowns, and lots of glitter which attracted a lot of looks and 'hilarious' comments from other students.

"Toyoor il jana!"
But you had to wait until you went up the stairs and out of sight to say that, huh.
"I think it's their seminar or something."
Because we'd dress up in bedazzled leggings and fairy wings for our seminar?

And then some cold hard looks. Fortunately we know what's really behind those expressions: build up resentment and self-hate and insecurity which naturally comes from being brought up to believe that everyone in their village has their eye trained upon then ever since they hit puberty and therefore once they step one foot out of the house they must act as if the global TV audience of Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding audience has them under their fierce scrutiny, and when they encounter some open-minded spirits it is only natural that their reaction should be extreme loathing.

Or at least that's what we whisper to ourselves just before we go to sleep every night.

Exams are looming, but they may be just doing that as scheduled strikes have already disrupted the original schedule, postponing exams until further notice. So we figured we might as well try out Rukab after its recent remodeling. And it was just diviiiiine.

April 9th-Seminar and Remembrance

Today was my seminar. The fruits of a full semester's work condensed in a 20 minutes presentation. I have freaked out, found solace in retail therapy, practiced for hours, and got the unwelcome dark circles under my eyes. But I was ready. I had finished the rough draft of my paper, some 22 pages full of gloriousness, and I was happy with my powerpoint. I was ready to ROLL.

Seminars in BZU are a huge deal, especially in the business/tijara building. The guy dressed in his new suit comes out of his presentation riding on someone's shoulders waving his hands regally and blowing air kisses to the minions below. His friends start singing and a drum/tableh is procured out of thin air. A whole zaffeh starts, with the guy's mother/grandmother/aunt ululating like there's no tomorrow. The zaffeh travel around campus before making its way to the main cafeteria where everybody who feels like it joins in, all cheering and clapping. It always brings a manic grin to our faces because the whole atmosphere is just so infectious. Naturally this leads to a discussion between me and Heba, where we plan our own seminars, what outfits we'd wear (red, white and striped all over), and what sort of people will lead our very own zaffeh (belly dancers and old men).

The girl's seminar is different from the guy in that she spends more time on her clothes and make-up than the presenting time, and afterwards there is no zaffeh or matriarchal ululations. Pictures are taken, bouquets are received, and the customary dinner with friends at some restaurant seems to be the routine, all of which I did today.

I remember my older brother's seminar three years ago. The whole family came, and while my brother was presenting a snoozefest about something to do with finance, my father kept us all in stitches by causing a silent disruption as he kept moving all around the room taking pictures. Chocolate and candy were passed out afterward, and then we went home while my brother stayed with his friends.

When it came to my turn, at first I was adamant that no family should be present. I didn't see the whole seminar day as a big deal, especially since I wouldn't be graduating in May but sometime in August (I have to take a summer semester). The real reason was because my dad couldn't be there on my big day, and I didn't want to see any other family for fear of getting the waterworks started again.

My dad currently lives in Amman, Jordan because he doesn't have the correct Israeli military issued identification papers. He holds a Gaza ID because he had the audacity to be born in Khan Younis. The rest of my siblings (apart from my older brother) have a West Bank ID since we were registered under my mother's ID. The whole drama is documented here. My dad places a heavy stress on the importance of education, and I knew how much this day meant for him. Needless to say, he sent me a text very early in the morning, called me twice before my presentation, twice after, and I'm expecting a lovely email from him soon. He told on the phone, "We'll all be together on your graduation day, I'm very optimistic" but I just said inshallah and changed the subject.

I envy those students who treat their seminar days as they would any other day; after all it is just a 20 minute presentation. They don't bother with bringing any family because they are reserved for the day of graduation, and they don't let the hype get to their head. My family...well we're a pretty close-knit bunch. You can't even go through puberty without some interference. That was a joke. Anyway, instead of three weeks left I've still got the whole month of June, so it's better for me to keep my head down until then. When people asked me, "So how does it feel to be done?!" I replied with the customary "Amazing. Really happy!" but the smile wouldn't reach my eyes. I enjoyed all the lavish attention by my friends and honestly did feel a sense of accomplishment when done. In the middle of my presentation, when the door opened and my mother walked in--carrying with her a potted plant because apparently the flower store she went to didn't have any bouquets--I stuttered and mumbled a bit, before regaining control and finishing the whole thing off. Because somehow during the presentation, with my younger brother (who came especially from Amman where he's studying, in place of my dad) and my sister sitting there, I dismissed all emotionality that is typically associated with a seminar and treated the whole thing as a normal day. No waterworks.

Gosh, imagine what I'd be writing on my graduation day.

I went home after my outing with friends and the house was packed with the extended family. A huge feast adorned the dining room table, kabseh and dawali and salads, all thrown in celebration of my mother finally getting her West Bank ID and me finishing my seminar day. For some reason, I suddenly remembered that today was the 63rd anniversary of the Deir Yassin massacre, where 254 women, children, and men were slaughtered in 1948, causing the residents of other villages and towns to flee in case they too would suffer the same fate.

Way to ruin a party.

Second Semester (Oh No!)

Tuesday was the first day back-let the semester thus commence. However, keeping with our timeless tradition, we'll actually drag ourselves to the university the week after this one (add and drop week).

This break went by pretty fast, and our eyes fill with tears-a la freshman year- as we think of the dreaded Birzeit University. If the uni had memorabilia to sell, such as mugs and sweatshirts, we wouldn't buy them, not even for memory's sake. There's something awful being associated with a university neither of us can find in ourselves to embrace willingly or not. It just seems like an obstacle most days, something that blocks our impetus for what we really want to do, mainly just making a damn difference on whatever level. And being surrounded by masses of airheads and blockheads gets pretty annoying. As well as dealing with under qualified teachers. And the snotty administration. It's all so bureaucratic, you know?

Ok, that was bleak. And while we do harbor these sentiments, we're usually way more adept at hiding them and enjoying the positives, as hard as that may seem. Providing that there are no strikes this semester, then last day of classes are on May 5th. New countdown!

Disastrously transitioning on to the subject of new identity, we (Arabiat ) decided to not exactly split, but allow for one of us to use her own name to post, mainly because she's in desperate need of character building and suffers from an unhealthy dose of insecurity. That, and the fact that she's more in the know-how seat, and has a lot to write about.

To the rest of the students everywhere but here, enjoy your last weeks of holiday. Or we'll enjoy them for you.

MIA For a Change

We'll be back sometime between Monday and Thursday. Until then, wish us luck!

Bridging the Gap Between Students and the Administration

We have a new BZU president, a Dr Khalil Hindi who replaced Dr Nabil Qassis. This Dr Hindi is trying a new tack-to facilitate some kind of ceremonious bonding with the students. Therefore an assigned day was given to meet up with students from different majors. It's an interactive meeting, with students voicing their concerns and problems and listening to what the Important People had to offer. Here are some of the student complaints, because we're such a whiny group.

• The university is seen as being more and more under the rotten PA control, and this is manifested through the university's silent stance against students who get arrested by the PA and face up to months in jail for their involvement in non-Fate7 (read Hamas) university related activities. Protect the students dammit! They have a right to education!
• The political atmosphere on campus is strictly restricted to allegiances to either Fate7 or Hamas. This is unfair to the rest of the students who are completely indifferent, and instead want the university to put more pressure on the students to realize the political nature and developments/stagnations/decline or happenings in Palestinian society without fear of censorship/arrest. *This of course, can only come to fruition by the participation of students themselves.
• The university should offer programs or lectures that will educate the students more about their plight, occupation, and normalization.
• For those who have classes at 8 am there are not enough taxis to go around, which results in a large number of tardiness.
• Those who get high grades on their exams but a low average on the basis of being late to their lectures a few times, well that's just plain unfair.
• Honor students do not get enough prestige.
• Failure of certain departments to provide MA scholarships to their students.
• Surveillance cameras everywhere! Hello, welcome to London.
• The classes on the basement floor of the Science building are unfit as an academic environment, with reeking bathroom smells permeating and such.

The President and the other three cronies with him (one was the dean, the other a vice-president we assume...oh hang on, it says on the uni's official page that there are FOUR vice-presidents) all answered thus:

(a) That's unfortunate.

(b) We'll see what we can do.

(c) We'll try our best to fix this.

BZU has a loooooong way to go before it can be compared to 'normal' universities in Europe and America. We feel like we should add "other parts of the Middle East" but we won't. If the administration really cared about bridging the gap between itself and the students, then it should fire most of its faculty and staff. Mostly its faculty- we have never encountered such boorish stuck-up rude creatures. And it should only accept certain students, as there are a good number who are extremely immature, brain-fluffed, and see uni as a chance to snare a good match for a spouse.

Festival for the Return of Winter

Yep, it was as stupid as the title suggests. We do wonder though, why students care and get their groove on for the silliest trivial things ever. Seems like most of them are living an extension of their decadent high school days. Oh and...return of winter? This weather? This burning sweltering weather that has parched our skin dry and afflicted us with heatstroke? Winter, Lord.

The poster does claim to be, for the first time, a cultural national entertaining festival for the students. Dabka performances and a couple of singers provided the entertainment part. We vaguely remember something of this sort, under a different name, last year. Wait the memories are becoming sharper...yes we can remember how we scurried into the nearest building to take refuge from the onslaught of male student belly dancers. They were just out there, shaking their bits with apparently no self-respect and complete disregard to their shocked and amused audience.

Anyhoo, we made our way past the stage that was set up near the administration building, where students were all congregated. We couldn't actually see the dabka troupe performing, but we did see about 7 guys forming their own dabka line, so that was a nice relief. That was it for us, because we're such hardcore revolutionaries and care about the Top Secret Important Stuff (that's TSIS to you) and so we made our way to er..base.

At the end of the day, we heard from reliable eye-witnesses that the festival turned into a freak show, as once again hordes of male students took it upon themselves to showcase their inner Shakira. Last year we went through the phases of WTF to anger (the great stone-throwing youth of Palestine!) to we'resomentallyscarredwejustwannadieforeverandever. It has taken us intensive therapy sessions to finally close our minds to unwanted and unnecessary idiocy. So when the eye-witnesses proceeded to inform us that the festival then changed course and became a crazy Fate7 carnival, we smiled and inquired about their favorite ice cream flavor. That's "national" for you folks.

Good day.

Semester Mid-Point

Having just completed one of the most intensive week of the semester so far, we can finally kick back and relax in a pool of bubbling Perrier water, while our menservants tend to our every whim and need. Thank God we have Saturday off-hurray for three day weekends!

So. We're at that middle station of the semester. Eight more weeks to go. Things that have caught our attention:

• We really miss Palestine as a four season country. Come on, it's almost November and temperatures this week reached 98 degrees. We wanna wear our cute boots and beanies!
• Our embittered selves have been dormant; we smile more often and thanks to the degenerate mob we hang out with, have a repertoire of filthy jokes.
• Since we've reached that gritty stage where its mostly concentrated on taking major classes, our department has gotten a lot more familiar and friendlier.
• We still wish students to be more active and give a damn about the political situation. Negotiations, evictions, settlements, bulldozing a Muslim cemetery in Jerusalem to make way for a Jewish theme park? Cool, I'll pick you up at 7 and we'll go to Tche Tche's.
• We're mostly ok with our teachers, no faults there!
• We're finding that we use a lot of multi-syllable words in every day conversations. Is that a reflection of our major getting to us or are we being general asses, showing off philosophically?
• For some reason, this semester feels like its going to be more enjoyable then the second. Positive thoughts everyone!

Sir Thermopolis War II

Sir Thermopolis is in fine form, drilling important little facts into our brains in his monotonous manner. To business it is!

Mispronunciation of the Day:

Thomas. As in, tho*mass.

Used in sentence: Tho-mass Grandgrind strongly believed in developing an education system solely based on facts.

{} In order to increase his sex appeal, Sir Thermopolis has no problem with lifting up a trouser leg and continually scratching his leg for long periods of time. {} FACT!

Fisticuffs Mayhem!

Campus isn't our favorite place to be. We consider it a mighty achievement just finding the energy and the resoluteness to get up in the morning and actually take classes. After that, it's either a quick hangout with the like-minded folks or a dash to get home. We will never get the poor souls who consider the university to be their all-time coolio hangout. Some people stay for hours after their classes are done. Even more scary are those who arrive on a day where they have no reason to be there, all for the sake of dallying and faffing about. So, even though this blog claims (actually it doesn't) to be some sort of anonymous News of the World rag but on less worldly issues (sex? what IS that?), news-wise it's more or less mediocre because we simply don't care about all the little things happening, we're not exactly omnipotent, and we don't consider loitering to be in our best interests. Do we have to report on every time the loudspeakers are out with the nationalist songs blaring? Truth is, life is pretty much boring on campus. Altercations between idiots are considered to be...hm the pinnacle of interesting happenings. Somehow, the majority of them, when they do occur, always take place while we're locked up in some lecture room zoning out and wondering whether the guy in front of us deep fried his hair in last year's cooking oil or not. Imagine our moderate surprise when on the student academic portal, Ritaj, a statement condemned the recent fights that had broken out...on campus!! Fights? More than one? And we missed them? When? Where? Who? What kind of getaway students are we? Well well well. The statement didn't mention the nature of these fisticuffs, but here is the link and below is our sorry translation **:

Statement Issued by the University Council

Since the beginning of this semester the university has witnessed sad events that have resulted in the closure of the gates of the university and assault on faculty members and others (And we assume that we must have been hiding under a rock the whole time...seriously? News to us!). The latest event took place on the sidelines of a student activity on Monday 20/9/2010 held in the Kamal Nasser Hall, where there were clashes between students that involved hands, rocks, and sticks. This resulted in injuries and a number of students had to be transferred to the hospital for treatment. Serious property damage was also caused. The participants refused to comply with instructions to use cool logic and reason, and that has been taken into consideration and with our strenuous efforts, all student activities will be suspended for a month. (Fists, stones, AND sticks? Man, that's it, we endeavor to be more..aware of fights from now on!)

The University Council deeply regrets these deplorable practices and sees it as unfitting to the morals and values that prevail within the university. The deplorable practices have intimated other students and faculty alike, and have threatened to spill over outside campus where the warning bells will not be ringing.

Birzeit University has a long and proven history of ensuring a democratic atmosphere, and follows that dialogue is the only way to solve all kinds of issues (Suckers! Armed resistance everyone!). But when groups of students resort to violence (verbal and physical abuse), and ignore the system of the university and the instructions of officials, this represents a serious threat to the reputation of the university and the academic situation, where thousands of students will have no future because they won't choose to come to such a university because of the unstable and unsafe environment (No future! bahahaha).

The University Council will do all that is in its power to keep the university free from interactions that lead to agitation and physical violence, without prohibiting the right of students in intellectual diversity, and will remain faithful in its mission to promote freedom on opinion and calls upon everyone to combine their efforts to achieve this and apply it effectively.

So, anxious to calm things down, and reduce friction, and to prevent the transmission of the manifestations of violence off-campus, the Council has decided:

1. The suspension of all student activities for a month, subject to renewal light of variables.
2. To emphasize the force of order, hence any student activity must seek permission first from the Dean of Student Affairs.
3. The emphasis on preventing students who were expelled for one semester or those with behavioural problems to enter campus, without prior permission from the Dean of Student Affairs.
4. The prohibition of any visitors of students to enter campus, without prior from the etc etc.
5. The transference of all students who were involved in violence to the Committee of Public Order and holding them responsible for the property damage done.

It also calls on students to avoid violent practices (use anaesthesia before castration!) and the denunciation of such practices, and to cooperate fully with the officials to keep the campus an oasis of security and democracy, and to maintain the university as a magnet for female students ( WHAT? hahahahaha, a chick magnet!) and students throughout the nation, and to increase the academic level we all aspire to achieve and which we hold in the best interests for our children in the future.

** Google translation might have been used in abundance.

Wow. It took us a while to stop howling from laughter. Given bet that the fights were of some political nature..or actually..some guy might have hit on some other guy's girl and the girl liked it and told her friends and her friends told her brother and her brother with his friends confronted the guy with the original guy and his friends and ohhh what a lovely world we live in.

Eh...School Today?

Fridays and Sundays are our weekends. Sunday was penned in as a day of classes based on Saturday. We initially thought that we being punished for having our Eid holiday so early on that we were actually being made to make up a day for it. Hence the dark mutterings and the fire shot eyes. We blamed the tight circle of Christians who hold power over the university, as in "Well, I don't see us making up Christmas Day, now do I?" Damn sectarianism! We're not proud of that, and lesser so when the truth was finally told to us. The reason Sunday is a day of classes is simply because there aren't enough Saturdays in this semester. Well, how about this slightly ingenious idea, why don't we take an extra Saturday instead of wasting our weekend? We value and hold our free days very close to our hearts so forgive us if we sound like menopausal women.

As it is, the wonderous student grapevine informed us late last night that no, there WON'T be classes (some sort of emergency meeting with important university staff or something) and Sunday will remain a Sunday, a sleepy lazy day. In fact, we shall commence henceforth to call Sundays Lazdays. It will catch on, you'll see.

Introducing Sir Thermopolis War

Sir Thermopolis War has been given the honor to teach us not one but two classes this semester. He is an old skeleton (who probably has died three times over) with a vast storehouse of knowledge with no apparent teaching style whatsoever, yet you can't fault his perceptive cognizance. Disruptions in class are caused by those who see the funny side of his mispronunciation of words and his overall demeanor. In this series, we shall be including snippets of his extensive non-existent autobiography. And mispronunciations.

Mispronunciation of the day:

Thoreau. As in, tho*ree*oh.

Used in sentence: Tho*ree*oh was influenced by Transcendentalism.

{}Sir Thermopolis was the instigator of the 1936 Palestinian strike against the British Mandate.{} FACT!

Response to Negotiations

On Wednesday students called on other students (we don't care what party/faction/movement) in a bid to salvage some sort of pride about the university's role and reputation in the first Intifada to protest the silly negotiations at 1100 hours by the Manara in Ramallah. Circumstances permitted us to arrive at 11:50 to a sorry group that totalled a grand 40 or so people. Birzeit students were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps some of them fear infiltrators and agents, but again we were fools to expect a decent turnout. Half-assed, as always. We just didn't get the memo that these sort of protests last for 20 minutes. And anyway, what do they consist of? People milling around, jostling each other to be in front of the media cameras, holding up signs. Best action you will get.

First Day of New Semester

A few things crossed our minds:

• It is too hot.
• We are now entitled to mock and laugh at the sanafer.
• We seem to be Popular Penelope, with a good number of people ecstatically greeting us and inquiring about our summer with a genuineness that would make our mothers weep.
• Fuddrucking hell, it is too hot.
• Tis the season of strikes. Not students this time, but the Registration Office.
• Our self-imposed week long ban from campus has come to an end.
• Semester countdown has already begun.
• We're melting. Body, fat, and bones.
• We like making lists.

Friday was the rapture for many people. It's the first time in Ramallah that temperatures reached 45 degrees Celsius. That is a skin-flaying 113 degrees Fahrenheit. Where are we, Riyadh? Good lord. We need to think up quick and easy solutions to survive this heat hernia. Either we pull down the rafters for the windows and succumb to total darkness spent by sleeping curled up in the refrigerator, or we put a gun to our head.

What are sanafer? No, they're not the cute little blue smurfs whose existence have no meaning.

Our own specialized urban dictionary speaks of a type of people:

Sanafer /sanaf{shwa}r/ noun, pl (esp Palestine) a group of humans undertaking their first year in an educational institution, so-called by the intimidating and older student mockers. Singular sanfoor (masculine) sanfoora (feminine). Remotely known as freshmen in other parts of the world.

How fun is it watching those poor souls tentatively walking up to a classroom and finding out that it's the wrong one and then dashing to the other building only to give up, throw their hands in the air, and wail abrasively? Very. A great source of entertainment, no matter how sick-minded we sound. Taking pleasure and thriving at their misfortunes/blank brave faces is great. Our eyes can expertly zero in on a sanfoor/a based on either their loneliness (Birzeit allows for packs only, or you're not cool..kinda like middle school!), their clothes (way too overdressed or way too under-dressed), and by that look in their eyes, not dissimilar to that of a cornered rabbit surrounded by wolves. The more annoying ones have the nerve to ask you where a classroom is, which automatically gets them a beating in some corner. Life is good for the bullies--fresh material!

So of course we're stuck and fuming about our schedules which couldn't have been more ugly, but some time before the end of the semester we'll find time not to complain and possibly eat cake with ice cream. Or something. Here's to 2010/2011!

What May Have Passed our Radar..

Summer. That word alone is suggestive of an excellent and infallible excuse, pardoning anyone from doing anything. We're in a state of denial; we just cannot accept that adults, no matter how young they are, still have responsibilites year round without savoring a three month summer holiday. Unfortunately, we have fallen into the roles of bums and lazybones and shirked our duties to family, school, this pet, and ourselves.

• Family: We have mastered the act of zoning out around our kin. And we feel terrible not telling our begetters we love them twice a day. We may also have lost our patience and gone on a tirade our early teenage selves would have been proud of.
• School: Summer semester is over and done with, and we feel entitled to dedicating the few days left doing the most unindustrious acts ever. We have serious issues with starting the fall semester barely two weeks after the end of the summer one. Boo hoo we won't mature and accept the order of life. Birzeit Uni is the only university to start August 17th. The rest of the schools and universities are starting September 15th, after Ramadan and Eid. As a show of our defiance, we will stubbornly remain homebound for a week. Such model students we are.
• Blog: No comment. It pains us to neglect our pet. We will strive to become better people, pinky promise.
• Ourselves: Something to do with showering infrequently and not brushing our teeth and revelling in excess body hair. We've resembled Mole.

With that out of the way, here are a few points of notice we feel compelled to bring to attention.


رمضان كريم / Ramadan kareem! A week and a day has passed of the holy month and now we feel like it is the time to properly pay um..salutations to it. We are not late in this matter at all. No, we won't hide behind the old "it's the Shiites' fault!" because they celebrate the beginning of Ramadan a day before or a day after the Sunnis, not eight days after. Instead, this year we chose to follow a new authority. Stand up, renowed crackhead, Muammer Gaddafi. The King of African Kings is used to doing things his own way, and nothing, not even religious laws and enforcements is gonna stop him. So yeah, to the world he announced Ramadan to be Wednesday, the 11th of August, but since that day Libya has been in media and geographical lock-down, meaning no one can get in and no one can get out. Our previous positions as Lady Chiefs of the Royal Female Guard makes us an exception and filtered intelligence has confirmed that Gaddafi has started fasting today. Or payed someone to fast for him. Gaddafi, yeah!




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

POP IV. That is, poetry of Palestine. We have attended the previous three POP nights as our archives will tell you, but this month we missed out due to amnesia combined with reasons stated above. August, Friday the 6th was the date and the venue was at the ever quaint Cafe La Vie, whose owner, Saleh Totah, is a real sweetheart for agreeing to host this event three times now, free of charge. Fellow students performed their poetry, which was the main reason behind this event--building a community of poets and writers who are not afraid to share their work. Emile Saba, one of the performers

HEAT WAVE. Never, in our remarkably semi-normal lives have we ever felt like helpless bald dying mortal phoenixes coughing up heat and struggling feebly against the heavy hot atmosphere. Temperatures have reached a soaring 45 degrees Celcius. Unlike the gulf countries, air conditioning systems are not a prerequisite for survival because summers here are what the season ideally is all about: bearable weather, ice cream, and sweating once a day and not on a 24 hour basis. However, this period saw summer as a prepatory course for spending time in hellfire> "Thou shalt suffereth the yellow star's wrath" (Apocalypse 6:22). People are going crazy-we've seen one too many person molting in the street. Word going around the sweltering coffee shops (one business that never goes out) and verandas is that some sort of explosion in the sun is the reason for this heat wave. Our favorite brain-fried explanation is that there was a tsunami in an area of the sun. If that were so (whatever a sun explosion/tsunami means) then shouldn't the whole world right now be burned to a toasty brown? Or has some world power perfected its space technological funk gadgets to specifically target the Middle East? If only we had England's fine rule of excusing, nay forbidding everyone from work and school at the slightest abnormal increase in temperatures.

BEAUTY QUEEN. Warning: Picture below not suitable for those yet to hit puberty. Remember Rima Hot Stuff Fakih, the Lebanese American who became the first Arab to win the Miss USA pageant? There was a big fuss from Arabs with one crazy half ass-kissing and praising her for finally portraying Arabs in an American positive outlook (hey, turns out we don't all own gas stations and have in-bred children) while the other crazy side denounced her as a skank, a slut, and a shameless Americanized hussy with no ties to Islam, despite Rima asserting herself as a Muslim. The rational few correctly dismissed both views because, for gawd's sake yall, she's just a beauty queen! As a candidate for Miss Universe, Rima decided to pose backless for a racy photoshoot instead of baring her breasts to the world. Her reason: "For me, I didn't want to do the front for many reasons and one of them being respect. I'm Arab, I'm Muslim, and I didn't want to disappoint too many people."

In a world where political correctness and thoughtlessness are found in every angle of life, we are to say the least, deeply and profoundly affected. Rima, we are in awe and in envy of your deep consideration.

This Past Week

Monday: Our last day of freedom, of laziness, of unprecedented lie-ins. 17 hours is our record. We spent that day trying hard not to mope about the dawning summer classes, heart to heart talks up on the rooftop, stuffing our faces, and clinging sloth-like to whatever comfortable furniture in our way.

News that Iran is to send humanitarian aid ships with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard escorting them makes our hearts flutter a bit. Could this be if it were indeed carried out the catalyst for World War III? Neocons and Zionuts certainly need no rational reason to wage war. If the Mavi Marmara flotilla carried terrorists affiliated with Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda who were armed with butter knives then God knows what these Iranian aid ships might have on board...Hitler's spawn and nails yanked out of planks. Now naturally, we believe that any country has the right to send whatever kind of humanitarian aid it can supply to break an immoral and illegal siege that has devastated the lives of 1.5 million civilians trapped on a tiny strip of land. If the U.S and Israel want to seize this act as a pretext to decimate Iran because of the threat it imposes with its nuclear power (completely glossing over the fact that Israel has nuclear power as well) then this calls for a specialized team of Bristows and Vaugns to perform a top notch secret operation that involves tightening the screws and possibly using injections of brain intelligence delivered to the white folks that run this earth. We did not sound like conspiracy theorists there at all. So far, numerous countries have announced that they are putting together another flotilla, bigger and better than before, with 50 ships and more than 4 thousand volunteers signed up so far. Haitham Sabbah, editor of Palestine Think Tank published this somewhat controversial piece stating his firm opinion that Iran is only using this situation where international outcry at Israel's terrorist actions on the flotilla is loud and ringing for its own propagandist reasons, and that these reasons might come at the expense of the Gazan civilians. Make what you want of that.

Tuesday: 1st day of summer classes. Naturally we didn't go, preferring sleep and our mental health.

Wednesday: Enough faffing about, we rose like Shaun of the Dead and made our way back to the university, only to sit around doing nothing as 1 in 3 teachers showed up. Helen Thomas, the longest serving White House correspondent, stated that Israelis should "get the hell out of Palestine...They should go home. To Germany, Poland, America and everywhere else." Naturally, the 89 year old has been slaughtered with vitriolic self-righteous Zionist words, being called everything from an anti-Semite (big surprise) to a blundering old fool (unfair) to a xenophobic (never side with the brown people) to an infiltrator terrorist (we bet) to a sandnigger sympathizer (we know) to a Mujahida (we did not see that one). Never mind we made up the last three accusations, they have been made and we don't need credible sources to cite from. She was pressured to resign, after 50 years on the job. Freedom of speech once again, prepare to get slandered!

Thursday: Back in it again, this time some improvement seeing as 2 out of 3 teachers showed up. We got invited to the Youth Boycott Movement in the beautiful village of Jifna, but after reading more about it and discovering that the boycott movement is for the settlement products only, we tossed our heads and gave a derisive snort. When will they ever learn...there is no difference between Israeli settlement products and Israeli products..key word ISRAELI. The Karama (Dignity) Pledge is an insult, but then again it was devised by the Palestinian Authority so that explains it. See the farcical connection here or do we have to elaborate more..well why not. The rotten PA has taken it upon themselves to expel any settlement products from the areas it controls and to fine/imprison anybody selling them. It's a LAW now, something to make them feel a tad more pretentious. They devised this great big thing called the Karama Pledge which people sign their names onto a piece of paper, affirming that from now on they won't buy said sordid products. A campaign ripped off of Intajuna called Min Beit la Beit (From House to House) has 3000 volunteers going around houses and educating the inhabitants on the detrimental results of buying settlement goods. They also distribute a list of settlement products/companies and the alternatives that can be bought instead. Don't get us wrong, we're glad that some form of political group has finally undertaken the initiative of boycotting, but limiting this boycott to settlements only is so wrong. The impression people get is that boycotting settlement products is now a must but Israeli products can still be bought and consumed. Hypocrisy at its slinkiest best, and if we see one more Goddamn yellow sticker declaring YOU AND YOUR CONSCIENCE we'll do more than scream like raving lunatics in the middle of the street. We might resort to running around naked. We might.

Friday: The 11th of June!!!!!!!!!!!!!Can only mean one thing!!!!!!!!!! WORLD CUP 2010!!!!!!!!!! We've been waiting YEARS for this (specifically, 4) and we gobbled up every moment of the opening ceremony. Favorite part hands down? Archbishop Desmond Tutu getting his groove on complete with scarf and hat. We would like to pinch his cheeks for this, how adorable was that? We figured that a snapshot of this would go viral, yet our search engines have come up with nothing. We'll keeping searching, someone must have it...Our teams of choice? Argentina and Spain. It would be hilarious of Argentina won, imagine Maradona's inflatable ego soaring past the seven heavens all the while giving the finger to everyone who mocked and denounced his skills as a manager and a recovering crack addict. But we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves with such fantasies. To be honest with ourselves though...we expected a whole lot more from the opening ceremony. There were parts we didn't get (what's up with that giant beetle?) and we needed more joyous singing and dancing. And we couldn't believe that there were hundreds of empty seats in the stadium! Possibly reserved for us and our extended families.

One last thing, just to bring people's attention to this. Translated video of what went down in the Knesset when MK Hanin Zoabi tried to speak. The only democracy in the middle east harasses and name calls and accuses and slanders a fellow MK for trying to speak the truth, that Israel is a terrorist bigoted arrogant militaristic state.

Ms Zoabi, we have immense respect for you. Plus you're hot, with those good old Palestinian looks. Love.