Brief Break from Papers and the Like

Summer courses are still on, and the semester has been extended by one week. Last day of exams on the 29th! Let the countdown begin!

The BBC has proved its cowardice and its subordination to the mighty Zionist powers that be by apologizing for a political joke about Palestine, because it had the word "Jew" in it and so immediately recognized the anti-semitic undertone. The joke, made by comedian Frankie Boyle on a program called Political Animal (hence the political joke!) is as follows:

"I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well … that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew."

Oh the horror!

In other refreshing news, some Iranian crackpot blames the cause of earthquakes on the promiscuity of women. How could we ever have missed that blatant connection? Next thing they'll be telling us is that..oh forget it. The 21st century is just a number for some people, because ideologies are slipping back hundreds of years. It almost makes us wistful for the witch burnings.

Who Said BZU Doesn't Have Any Extra-Curricular Activities?

That would be us. In a way, these events are not extra-curricular but more like..events! The second annual Marketing Day was held April 28th. Basically, after introducing what 'marketing' means in creative ways (a dark video that was barely viewable) four groups present their innovative ideas, and a winner is announced at the end. Sponsors were in attendance, and plain white pieces of paper were passed amongst the audience, with the only paper that had a star on it in the hands of the guy right in front of us..he won a trip to Turkey in June! After that, we vamoosed off to loiter elsewhere but we found out who won the top prize. And we're so happy for this person and his group, because he's the sweetest person ever. His group's idea wasn't too shabby either: scented camel soap. Unfortunately for us, the samples were all gone. Camel soap is the best soap for hair and body because it contains so many natural rich nutrients that moisturize and keep skin feeling silky smooth. The only problem is that is stinks worse than our B.O. So scented camel soap is a good idea indeed...Mabrook!

The 6th Engineering Day was also on April 28th. Students showcase their inventions/architectural pieces outside and inside the Engineering building. We liked the canvas outside because it gave a feeling of seclusion and sleepiness. Yes, we have nothing else to say because we didn't really look at the exhibit. But we have a picture of the banner announcing the event to compensate for our misdemeanor.

Now for Palfest! The Palestinian Festival of Literature is the first week of May, and it's coming to Birzeit Uni Thursday May 6th. Workshops will be plentiful, and it should be an interesting fun day. More on that later.

The Theater of Al-Hara came today to perform one of their plays, Al-Hashrah (cramming, crowding) for non/drama students. The play was about three personalities crammed in a bottle and fighting to get out, while displaying their teenage emotions influenced by family, society, and those around them. It was very interesting to watch, because what made the play unique was that it was performed on a circular piece of mat. This enabled the audience to see the mirror reactions of those sitting opposite them, as well as a complete view of the three actors. Their proximity made the whole setting more intimate. Emotions were extremely manic depressive, ranging from abrasive laughter and singing and dancing to anger and rage and despair that gave way to feelings of uselessness and failure. Each person could interpret the play in their own way, but it seemed obvious that the three personalities were representing three different groups in society. Some even saw a political connection, with the personalities representing to them the factions and parties.

Na'vis R Us!

Countless of articles have been written about the record-breaking movie Avatar and its parallelism with the Palestinians under occupation. Here's a secret Palestinians have been hiding from the rest of the world...the Na'vis are actually Palestinians!! And we have photographic proof!

Fashion Fugs

New feature peeps! This is to chronicle the 'whats-in' at BZU. And it'll be strictly limited to snarking at only the female bizarre/ostentatious/stomach-lurching/insane/ill-fitting choice of whatever apparel they choose to swaddle themselves in with some accessorizing. Girls prove to be more creative and bold in this department, because we can summarize the male fashion choice as the following:

• Tight low rise jeans with short hideous shirts. Accessory: hairy butt crack.*
• Normal jeans and a normal/ugly shirt. Accessory: Nike/Adidas shoes
• Baggy jeans with a shirt that falls to the knees, preferably a Southpole one. Accessory: a silver chain and Attitude, which comes off as Ridiculousness. These represent a tiny minority.

* Impotency comes as a bonus feature.

Now for the females. Recent wide-spread epic is the tiny little thin long strap purses that can barely fit a Jew's nose. Man, we gotta stop with the whole stereotyping thing or we'll lose our massive reader base.

This is actually from Forever21 but we couldn't find/too lazy to search for the tacky metal studded faux leather shantat we see festering on the shoulders of 95 percent of the female population on campus.
Now, a more stylish chic/casual (are we displaying our fashion ineptness here?) handbag wouldn't be so bad, but the reason why we have a problem with them is that..they don't fit anything! And when this particular bag is being toted off to college, why would the girls burden their own hands and wrists from carrying the four books and two notebooks when they can just as easily get a..um larger purse to do the job for them? Spare us the cliches of fashion not supposed to make sense etc. We shall fight for this quixotic mania gripping the brains of airheads in favor for more reasonable, durable alternatives! Why we insist on making this our personal problem is beyond us. Carry on.

The Facebook Status Making the Rounds on Everyone's Status

By everyone, we mean of course the people we had to bribe in order for them to accept us as friends and who are predominantly Palestinian/Arab.

Dear Europe, Sorry about that cloud of ash over your heads and you can't travel anywhere. We feel just the same. Sincerely, Gaza.

That's like, deep. Speaking of which, the volcano continues to smolder in its afterbirth pain after begetting infinitival amounts of infernal hellions.

Talk about bad analogies.

Targeted Citizen

This video by Adalah is gold. We're greatly interested in the Palestinians living in the 1948 region. Not as a different species, but as in what goes on in their lives, what experiences they have, what liberty or justice they face on a daily basis. We love DAM.

Targeted Citizen - English from Adalah on Vimeo.

Is that South African chick for realz? Muslims are ugly? We're both extremely good-looking, that's why taxi drivers and shopkeepers give us a freebie now and then. We just don't need to expose half of our bra to do so. And white cheap shoes? Admitting to actually never meeting a real life Arab before? Stupidity is a blessing for some. Moron.

LARGEST MUSAKHAN EVERRRR

Pictures! Just look at those guys gorging themselves! Sa7tein ya 3alam.

Oh and 500 chickens were sacrificed for this feat. We love them chickens...vegetarians are missing out on the earthly ambrosia yep yep!

Bits and Bobs

The largest musakhan dish in the whole wide world was made today, in the village of Arourah in the Ramallah district. That's 3arourah. We are still awaiting pictures, and would have gone to the actual event if not for some inconvenient movie screening. This marks the third time we enter the Guiness Book of World Records, the previous two times for the biggest plate of knafe in Nablus and the longest thobe/traditional dress in Hebron. There was something about having the longest caricature on the Apartheid Wall as another record-breaker but we haven't heard anything. Watch Israel counteract by making the biggest 'heritage food' sample ever. Their falafel and hummus stink!

These dangnabbitty strikes are confuddling the shiznit out of us. This week was supposed to an open strike, yet on Saturday by the trusted (not) student grapevine we heard that no, there will be classes on Monday, then yesterday on the news the ticker presented the news that all public universities will be on strike Monday...Birzeit isn't a public university since the salaries don't come from the rotten PA...but because the decision came from the Higher Education Board, we thought that meant all universities. As a result, we didn't go to our classes today, and instead spent a lovely afternoon eating the heinously overpriced legendary Rukab ice cream.

The 36th Prisoners' Day was commemorated on the 17th in Gaza and the West Bank, where thousands of families turned out to morally support their loved ones in Israeli jails. Events were organized, and the kids had something to enjoy to soften the pain of losing their fathers to the occupation. In Ramallah, a half-assed demonstration, much like the one about the Infiltrator Order, was on show.

The Iceland volcano causing disruption all over Europe has a most beguiling name. Eyjafjallajokull. And we thought Kilimanjaro was hard to pronounce, with all the glottal and nasal sounds..ahem.

Old man Abbas has stated the groundbreaking revelation that Israel does NOT have the right to deport any Palestinian, and that the PA will simply not stand for it! You go Abbas! What has your government done so far about the 200 Palestinians already deported? Dick.

Pole Dancing is Empowering

It makes women feel powerful, it makes them feel respected, it makes them feel like they're on top, it makes them feel mighty, paramount, commanding, competent, dynamic! What kind of hashish has the Cambridge Union Society been smoking? They are offering their female students a pole dancing class to make them view themselves as compelling and accomplished women. Now, we are not going to be judgmental just because the words 'pole dancing' are thrown about so we will just expand our tightly stretched open-mindedness an inch more and accept the fact that POLE DANCING IS A DEMEANING AND DEGRADING MATTER!! It incapacitates the long arduous feminist struggle of forcing the world to view women as able-minded creatures who are more than boobs and bootys and can take their place in the world side by side with men! (Actually, feminists work to put women ahead of men..."it's not fair we have to bear kids and juggle motherhood with a career! Men should be the ones who get pregnant!") People, strippers do not enjoy their work! They hate performing, night after night, the sexy routines for married, stressed, and hornified businessmen, politicians, deadbeats, wasters, loners, losers, college boys, etc. Do not be fooled by their commercialized image on movie screens, where they are depicted as hot little mamas who dance the night away for a thousand bucks who eventually fall for the casino boss or a mobster's best friend! Pole dancing is only empowering to scary girls with men's voices who implore to be slapped, just like Miley Disturbing Cyrus. Women, by all means, do embrace your sexuality, there's nothing wrong with that! But there are means of embracing sexuality in non-belittling ways! Dear Lord, there are a thousand ways to make women feel empowered, and this is definitely not one of them. However, the spokesWOMAN of the Cambridge Union Society begs to differ:

"We are of the opinion that classes like these are a way of empowering women… if an intelligent, independent woman wishes to learn a particular form of dance in respectable surroundings we see nothing degrading in that."

What about stupid thick-headed women? Will it be empowering for them? And why oh why does it have to be THIS form of dancing? Why not...crunk? It's more heavier than hip hop! And ballet...does it not empower women? Standing on their bleeding toes and leaping up in the air and twirling around majestically sounds empowering! And exhausting...and bulimic..oh ok. Women who see nothing wrong with this will argue that pole dancing is just a fun and different way to get fit and meet new girlfriends. Well! Pole dancing did not originate from the need to make new friends and to get washboard abs now did it..Pole dancing has always served as a way to objectify women as well as an exploitation of labor. Look at us, we sound like feminists God forbid. But this isn't about equal rights between the two sexes or whatever, it's about slapping a few heads to make them see reason and to abstain from romanticizing pole dancing. Silly news. Next they'll be projecting that prostitution prepares one for motherhood 78% more than monogamy simply because the mother to be undertaking prostitution will feel a deep empty unfulfilled need in her psyche from all the gauging penises afflicted on her delicate soul, and that that emptiness will morph into desperate yet supreme unconditional love and attachment to the future baby.

Alternatives to Empower Women

• Castrate men and laugh at them..Make eunuchs out of men! Oooh catchy!
• Have a lot of people who love you..that way, they can watch the kids while women can go out and kick the world's ass!
• Use their own children against their spouses..oh wait..already been done
• Stop the clingy dependency on males (50/50 girls!)
• Watch Femme Fatale on a loop
• Use biologically natural and not computer enhanced women on billboards
• Substitute insecurity with rage
• Have a Creole Lady Marmalade theme party every week

Ramallah Rally against Racist Order

Nice alliteration no? Flipping over to the al-Jazeera Live channel, we saw people congregated around the Manara. Finally, something to show that not all of them were sleeping. We got up, got dressed, went out to join them, and as we were chatting with family friends, who did we see pushing his pugnacious face in and around other people? Certified Israeli Collaborator Mohammad Dahlan that's who. Since he's from Gaza, we hope he gets the full treatment of the Infiltrator Order. Just him. Well maybe a select few as well i.e. those who are like him. Palestinians were joined by hippies-scratch that, international activists- who kept us entertained by the colorful lettering on their t-shirts and their God awful dreads. Amira Hass, the Israeli reporter who broke the news in Haaretz, was also present. A clown, for some reason, was also there. Since we arrived late, we missed out on the lively conversations of the people around us. Here are a few quotes though:

"Everything affiliated with Gaza, the Zionists want to make it seem as if it's a curse"

"I'm from Gaza, I guess I'll be in hiding soon" (said with tongue-in-cheek)

"You're threatened by this aren't you? So am I!"

Ethnic Cleansing is a Law Now!

The Israeli military forces have passed an extremely racist doctrine which states that everyone in the West Bank must have an Israeli issued ID card (haweeya) or they will face expulsion and imprisonment for seven years. The intelligent thing about this is that even if the accused person proved that he/she is lawfully allowed in the area, they will still face three years in prison. It makes sense as much as Bush's belief that he was doing God's work in invading and occupying Iraq and Afghanistan does. Unbelievable doesn't even cut it. This fucked up law goes by the name of Order Regarding Prevention of Infiltration. Let's see which people living in the West Bank are threatened by this:

1) All of them (Palestinians/foreigners)

2) Those who don't have West Bank IDs

3) Those whose parent(s) are from Gaza, even if they were born in the West Bank

4) Those who are from Gaza, even if they are married to a West Bank resident

5) Those who have Gaza IDs/ Gaza addresses

6) Those who are foreigners married to Palestinians

7) Those who are international activists or journalists

8) Those who are from Jerusalem and carry Jerusalem IDs

9) Those who are Israeli "citizens"

God Damn. It's estimated that when this order will be put into effect (April 13 2010) tens of thousands of Palestinians will by deported/jailed and branded with the new It word of the Zionist regime, INFILTRATOR: a person who entered the Area unlawfully following the effective date, or a person who is present in the Area and does not lawfully hold a permit.

Shove this up your asses, you people who believe and advocate a two state solution. Occupation dictates the life of Palestinians, in which they have absolutely no say.

Co-Joined Babies Die

Well this is heart-wrenching. Retal and Ritaj Abu-Asi passed away today. The twins from Gaza were transferred to King Abdullah Aziz Medial City in Riyadh, which the Saudi king specially coordinated. For some reason, we had such high hopes that the twin girls could be successfully operated on. However, it was revealed after medical tests were conducted that the twins shared a liver, digestive and respiratory system, and a heart that could not be operated on, as well as intense bacterial infection. The Health Minister of Saudi Arabia Abdullah Ar-Rabi'a said that the twins had a low survival rate.

POP II

April 9th was the second Poetry of Palestine night, held at the cute little Cafe la Vie for the second time. The first POP was in February 10th (it's supposed to be every second Wednesday of every month) and saw performances from Remi Kanazi, Tala Abu-Rahme, and Birzeit's very own TA from the English department, Laila Shikaki. There were interludes from Tashweesh, and the atmosphere was buzzing and infectious. The tiny cafe was crowded with people, but we all had such a good time we were prepared to ignore the mass smoking and dragon flasks of beer circling around.

This second night had mostly Arabic poetry from Zakaria Mohammad, Najwan Darwish, and from Haifa, Asmaa Azaizeh (who has such a deep melodic voice). Tashweesh participated again, and after 8 pm there was an open mic session where wannabes can read their words they have ripped off from somewhere. Ok, that's harsh, but it's part of our hilariously (un)witty humor. A cultural anthropologist from Montreal, Canada also performed, and she was one of the few English voices of the night. Her poems she sang in a most beautiful voice. Yet for the life of us we can't remember her name...Nira..somethingRussianesque. As opposed to the first POP night, instead of standing seats were provided.The atmosphere was a little quiet, but we blame that on the putrid smoking fumes infesting our brain cells. Seriously, the hell is up with that? We never knew we could hold our breaths for as long as two poem readings just so we won't end up dying at the tender age of 25 from second hand smoking.

Our sardonic nature made us a bit disorientated with the night though. How can we articulate this eloquently...let's start with Disillusionment. The first POP night seriously inspired us. Here's a secret: we wrote a few poems. Yep. We were on a roll, we had fixed in our minds that we could single-handedly turn Birzeit Uni into a love shack, liberate Palestine, and achieve world peace. It was all in our capability. Yesterday night, as we looked around, we started to make fun of the people in attendance. Including ourselves, since we have no shame. What kind of people are we? Are we turning into that layer of Palestinian society, the "artistic artists", the ones who grow out their hair and wear a satchel and sit in cafes/coffee shops smoking and typing away at laptops, quoting a couple of verses from Mahmoud Darwish's poems to make themselves sound 'cultured', getting high on cannabis and viewing the rest of the people as sad, unhappy fools who just need LOVE in their lives, unaware that they're the ones who have gone off the deep end by making a lover a figment of their imagination and calling her Rita?

We need to go lie down.

Ramblings

Back a few days after Easter break, and we have no desire to do anything whatsoever but to sleep sleep sleep. Damn April. Our workload has increased about a tenfold, second exams are next week, yet they might be postponed because the teachers are striking, yet again, Monday through Wednesday. The week after will be an open strike meaning that our Easter break just got extended from then until the end of the month. Unless the teachers get what they want of course.

The students wouldn't like to be left out so we're pretty sure they'll be striking too. What came first the chicken or the egg?

Students: Striking because of the annual increase in tuition costs

Teachers: Striking because of their low salaries and lack of retirement benefits

Insensible outcome: a) Raising the tuition costs even more so that the teachers will receive higher salaries, or b) Lowering the tuition costs so students can afford to pay, at the expense of the teachers' salaries.

This never ending perpetual cycle should be viewed as a welcome respite to us degenerate fools but we heard SHOCK HORROR that summer classes might be cancelled as a result. Oh heeeyyyyyl no. There goes our (what we deemed to be) flawless plan to graduate in three years, not four. It's not the end of the world, but...but..an extra semester might actually make us feel fond of BZU. We might actually grow to like it. We might revert back to the happy-go-lucky gals we used to be back in the days. And we are determined to graduate with all our bitter cynical virulent and acrimonious state of mind intact. Melting at the sight of chubby babies still makes us mean. Fahmeen?

Moving on...papers were passed out by the student council calling upon all students to take part in protests and rallies in solidarity with about eight thousand Palestinians (300 of them being children) in Israel's jails, who have initiated a hunger strike to inveigh their deplorable squalid living conditions, torture and violations of human rights laws at the hands of the IOF. We're glad this has been brought up, but it goes without saying that the majority won't heed or take part in the protests..that is, if they happen. Prisoners have complained of the humiliation family members suffer when they come to visit, noting that strip searching has become almost routine. Families in Gaza are restricted from seeing their sons, fathers, brothers, uncles, on the grounds of themselves posing a 'security risk'. Our hearts are with all the prisoners, it makes us even more determined to resist the occupation. Boycott all Israeli products, skanks!

Gaza will be plunged into darkness for the next three days, as fuel for the only power plant in the Strip has run out, and all borders remain closed. We wonder how many people can stand to live just 24 hours of a normal day in Gaza today. The whole siege is despicable, yet the castrated international community watches on with explicit silence. The things we take for granted...

In other hopeful news, the first Palestinian Siamese twins were transferred from Gaza to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia where doctors are to perform the separation operation. We hope the two little week old babies make it!

We found out in a semi-entertaining class what the Hindus, whose customs are the most similar in regards to the Arab ones, do on their wedding night. We think it's awesome. Apart from requiring the bride and groom to be virgins, the groom covers his face with a sheet during the hump time. The bride gets all the seeing glory, while the groom has to find his way by grappling around. This prompted a fellow-male, we should add- student next to us to say, "Well, blind sex is the most amazing thing ever. Did you see Gabriella and Carlos {of Desperate Housewives) doing it with their blindfolds on?"

Festive Birzeit

On Monday we walked through the gates to find a circus awaiting us. Flags, banners, flyers, and posters covered nearly every square inch of ground, tree, stone, wall, buildings, grass etc. It was pretty unbelievable. And so comically silly in the overbearingness of it all. The parties were advertising themselves, but the majority of those flags, banners et all were all that garish yellow color, Fateh's party. There were some red flags (PFLP) and some orange flags (we have no idea) but it would have been a real skittle rainbow if the green flags of Hamas were there. As it were, the loudspeakers were out, and the students congregated in front of the student council building (which is so ratty by the way) to hear various speakers screaming themselves hoarse about the greatness of their parties and the changes it vows to bring about and why everyone should vote for them yada yada yada. It was pretty distracting, especially when you're in class in a far away building and still could hear the whistling and applause and reverberating voices. Now those are some quality loudspeakers. Now a normal person can infer from our tone about this subject that we are highly cynical about it all. The only two parties to win elections have always been either Hamas or Fateh. Fateh has been holding the position for three years now and students have seen absolute zilch from them. Striking to lower tuition costs is fruitless because the goal is never achieved. There are so many problems in Birzeit University that we can count off the top of our heads, such as: Incompetent/unqualified teachers, the issue of getting whatever you want because you or your family know a high-ranking personnel, the goddamn SMOKING that won't let up, inside or outside buildings (cafeterias are gas chambers), the rising tuition costs, the crap computer labs with their broken printers, the sheer fugliness of most of the students, and so on. Therefore, the whole charade of elections is a complete and utter farce, because those empty promises and vows are the backbone of them.

Tuesday classes were cancelled from twelve until two, where the customary public debate between the parties took place. We hung around for about two minutes to observe the crowd, who were standing crammed as if it were the Day of Judgement itself, before we took off to our peaceful sanctuaries.

look at those cute little Fat7awi umbrellas

UPDATE: Fateh won, because it's a one party election. And numbers as low as 43% have been estimated at the amount of student voters. That speaks volumes, dunnit.

Land Day & Global BDS Day

Palestinians commemorated the 34th anniversary of what became to be known as Land Day. In 1976 six Palestinian men were shot and killed by Israeli Occupation Forces after they, along with others, were protesting the expropriation and continued theft of Palestinian land by Israel. Tens of thousands went out to rally in the city of Sikhnin. In Ramallah, there was silence, since no protests or rallies of any form can commence without the permission and approval of the cowardly degenerate Palestinian Authority. Til this day, land theft is increasing at alarming rates, with plans for even more settlements popping up everywhere.

The names of the six martyrs

Today also marked the second global Boycott, Divest, and Sanction movement which has gathered impressive momentum since Israel's senseless vicious attack on the Gaza Strip last year. Speeches by key leaders and organizers (including Omar Barghouti and Hind Awwad) were held at a conference of some sorts in the village Salfit.

Links and Rants

Na3m, the Arabs are at it again- (We Need Order, Arab Summit)- and we don't have anything at all to say on this subject that hasn't been regurgitated a million and one times by the well-meaning folk of the Arabian Mother. They meet once a year (Sirit, Libya, is the place to be), enjoy the complementary food, the lavish hotel suites, whisper it, it might still be 3eib women, and all other earthly desires. Long-winded speeches are made to the half-assed attention of others, declarations are read, promises are prepared, and at least one leader gets his panties in a twist about some improper decorum inflicted on him by a more important, more self-righteous one. Of the couple of articles we managed to read concerning this subject, we found out that there is an honest intention to carry out the most emphatic, well-meaning course of action regarding the Judaizing of Jerusalem and the overall plight of Palestinians in the Occupied Territories. Yawn. Maybe after the coming of the Messiah?

We all agree that Zionists and some Jews and some Muslims are opposed to inter-racial marriages amongst each other. What would you do if your pretty cousin fell in love with an Israeli soldier, convinced him that his world was wrong, ran off to marry each other, and subsequently got hunted down in the process? Rabbis would convince the soldier that a Gentile, and a Palestinian at that, is the snake that feeds upon the weakness of his emotion and will be the fall of him, his family, and the state of Israel, or some crap like that. The girl's family would probably execute an honor killing that has never before seemed as justified as it is in this situation. But no, realistically. How about a Palestinian worker fell in love with a Jewish girl from the nearby settlement, married her, and are now expecting their first child together? The girl has converted to Islam (or, invoking the wisdom of Dr Phil, got brainwashed in the process) and lives with her husband in his village, but they are constantly getting harassed by both the PA and Israeli religious authorities. We hope they both lead a long, happy, carefree life together. This isn't wishful thinking, it's optimism, something that's new to us.

Now we have come to this part of the year, where students will not be allowed to enter campus unless they show the guards at the front gate their hideous mug shots on their ID cards. Why, for sooth? It's....ELECTION WEEK! Time for another student council...or not. We hate how the political parties dominate these elections. The votes, roughly, are split 45/45 between the Fateh party (as-Shabeeba) and Hamas (Kutla al-Islamiyya). 8 percent goes to the PFLP party, and the remaining two percent are allocated over a couple of groups that no one cares about, and theres always that 0.023% that the other, unknown groups get. These statistics have been pulled right out from our asses. But it's something like that. This year, the Hamas party are boycotting, and are calling on all students to boycott the elections because so many of their leaders/members are imprisoned in the PA's jail cells. We won't vote. That's our policy. We most likely won't vote for anything during our measly lives. This week, banners and posters and balloons and demonstrations and debates and confrontations and fights and all other manners of festivities will dominate. Proof of the small-mindedness of the students. How about Unity for a change?

Good Shit

OBAMA NATION

(clever play on words, no?)

We don't know why some Palestinians were so optimistic with the election of President Obama. US foreign policy will change when we become subjugated housewives, i.e never. One of our favorite rappers, Lowkey, delivers this sucker punch of a song so eloquently it puts the pizzazz in castigation. We luuurve.

"Wonder why I call it the racist experiment...that ain't gonna change with the race of the president"

Preaching to the choir ya kbeer!

NOTE: Not to be confused with the hardy har har song by Republican Ed Montana. Meh.

The Ubiquitous Billboard

That is the smile...of a first time rapist.

Don't believe us? Take a closer look:

Semantic Nature

We learn new things every day. In one of our classes-- Cultural Studies: Modern and Contemporary European Civilization (a university requirement)-- we've covered Machiavelli, Bacon, Descartes, and Locke. We're wrapping up Immanuel Kant now. Still, we can't help but flinch involuntarily whenever his name is called out. We HATE that word. Saying it in an Arabic accent doesn't help either.

"According to KANT, laziness and cowardice are the reasons for an illiberal mind."

"You are exactly the type of person KANT wrote about!"

Sheesh. Now, another word has been bandied about in a different class: cliticization.

We're the only ones who start giggling when someone else says that word in class.

The First Martyr of the Yet to Materialize "Intifada"

16 year old Muhammad Qadus was shot in the chest by a live bullet in Iraq Burin, Nablus today. He died shortly after arriving at the hospital in a private car, because the IOF prevented an ambulance from arriving. Every Saturday, as has been the case in the last few weeks, the settlers from the adjoining settlement of Bracha harass the people of Iraq Burin, from which they have stolen more than 100 dunums. At around noon, the settlers and soldiers barged in the village, with soldiers and their jeeps taking up strategic positions and chasing youth in the streets.

The honorable IDF defended this killing as usual, with their bullshit flowing freely:

"Contrary to what was published, live fire was not used. The Palestinians were hurt by rubber bullets used during the incident."

So doctors at the hospital made a fatal mistake in identifying a rubber bullet as a live bullet. Welcome, Bullshit.

"An Israeli military spokesman said "during a violent and illegal riot, dozens of Palestinians from Iraq Burin arrived in the area, inciting a provocation." According to the army, Israeli forces arrived at the scene to prevent clashes between Palestinians and Israeli civilians. Palestinians "violently hurled rocks at the force." "

Riots are illegal in this democratic nation. Israeli civilians, settlers, were caught up in this riot? And Palestinians "violently hurled rocks at the force"? Oh, the poor force must have been just devastated by those rocks! Especially when armed to the teeth with submachine guns and hand grenades. Another 16 year old Palestinian, Useid Abed An-Nasser Qadus, was seriously injured by taking one to the head. He's currently undergoing surgery.

We're saddened by the fact that the loss of a Palestinian life at the hands of the IOF is accepted so readily. It makes us gloomy. When Lina Nabulsi was shot and killed in her school uniform by an Israeli soldier back in 1976, the national outrage and horror stirred the Palestinians up. It made them angry. Nowadays, it's become an accepted part of life.

"Ibn fulan istash-had ilyoum."

"Yee, miskeena immo. Nawalni hal wusada warak."

We love the song inspired years later by Lina Nabulsi's death:

UPDATE: Sadly, Useid didn't make it. Another two Palestinians were shot and killed today. That makes FOUR Palestinians dead in the last 24 hours, all from Nablus. How many more until assertive action is taken up by Palestinians?

They Say: We've Explained Our Position...Now Get Out

What is this conflict all about? Religion? Land? Palestinians have no problem with religion. This may sound ground-breaking, but we are NOT Anti-Semitic. Do Zionists know what the hell a Semite is? Hi, we're Semites! Very briefly, the conflict is about war crimes (massacres, ethnic cleansing, etc) committed against an indigenous people, stripping these people of their basic human rights, injustice, lies, propaganda, unlawful detainment of Palestinian men, women, and children and so on. You get the gist.

Zionists have distributed this extremely racist publication to the folks in Jerusalem. It's so comical, we could cry.

"Call for all Muslims living in "Israel "

In this message, we would like to explain the view of Torah regarding non- Jewish inhabitants in Israel. Firstly, we say that all human beings were created by one God and every faithful man must be treated respectfully. Therefore, the view of Judaism is not racial nor inhumane! It is all about religion!"

Shall we infer that Judaism is NOT Zionism, and vice versa?

"The gist of our religions both is the belief in God, the creator. As we both believe, God gave us Torah which contains the duties and messages that we must achieve."

Ooh, drawing upon comparisons between Muslims and Jews! Could this be to pacify us for what's going to come next?

"As what Holy Qur'an says, there is no contrast between what Torah says and what Qur'an says. As faithful Jews, we must achieve our duties. In many parts of Torah, it is written that the land of "Israel" was promised to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and their grandsons ONLY!"

The Quran says there's no contrast between it and the Torah? Which Torah exactly, the modified one or the one directly sent by God? Wait, we can't judge, let's leave that to the theologians.

"All the people agree that we are the grandsons of the ancient people of Israel, grandsons of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob!!"

Jesus, you must be old. It's pretty funny, because these prophets are in all three religions, yet only one can claim ancestral heritage? The mind boggles.

"Moreover, it is written in Torah that this small land is a property of the Jewish people ONLY! And it is forbidden to let others live here permanently. It is also written in Books of Nevi'im (Books of the Prophets) that we were dismissed because we did not achieve this divine order!"

Lordy. In this day and age, a group of people can claim land they have no biological connections to at the expense of an indigenous population based on...a holy book? Superstitions? False beliefs? Messianic revelations? Notions?

"The Jewish people were dismissed and stayed outside their homeland for 2000 years. Now and after we have returned back to the land of Israel, as we were promised by Prophets; it is time for the Israeli people to achieve this divine order. So, we ask you to leave the land of Israel!!!"

Loving the exclamation marks. But since you asked so politely, the answer, forever and ever, will always be a resounding ear-shattering NO.

Stop spreading your fanatical words around, they do no good.

Read the full publication at

palestinethinktank.com