Friday, September 3, 2010

The Screw-ball Quintet

Hello everyone! Negotiations are here to the rescue! Rest assured that once the 'gruelling' talks are over, there will be peace in the Middle East! Honest to God! There will be blood, sweat and tears. There will be compromises and sacrifices! There won't be any capitulations! No renunciation no submission and best of all, no selling out! The Palestinian side will be treated as equally as the Israeli side! Let the confabulations commence forth!

The Playas in the Game

Peace be upon you! Let me clarify one thing. We can DO this bitch, yes we can! Black man president of the US? Been there, done that. Peace in the Middle East, we're gonna do it. Yeah, my little catchphrase has gotten pretty annoying. Oh, I'm no Muzlem sympathizer, which is a good thing that the Hamas beards are not invited. The old fat man is more reasonable. I say "Oppress your people here'safewmilliondollars" and he obeys! It's more about the security of the state of Israel and laying the smackdown on the terrorists who dare disturb it. I have a good feeling about this. It's one way to boost my sliding approval rates and silencing the nasty
rumours about my faith. I've got a hot body everyone, Hasselhoff got nothing on me!

Hello there old chaps. I'm rather adorable, aren't I? I wanted to wear this lovely Star Trek outfit at my inauguration but my advisers advised against it. Oh well. I know what you're thinking. Yes indeed, these are GENUINE blue eyes! It explains the fact why I am the best looking Arab monarch. And why I can't speak Arabic for the life of me. Teehee! I've got a lovely brown-nosing wife who has made it a habit to stop by on Oprah Winfrey's show, and tons of money! And no authority. I'd rather be posing in my colorful Oriental costumes for pictures and portraits where my subjects can drool over my perfectness yet I am obliged to attend this delightful little vacation at the White House. Shouldn't they be calling it the Black House? Ha-HA I made a funny! Crumpets anyone?

Ehhh. Ze fact zat I am looking everyday more like zis kind of overblown toad iz not good for my hels. Enough with the Egyptian-Bloodsucking dialect, but really, my hels, I mean health, is waning. However, I checked last time and the deal I made with the devil is still intact, I have a solid 100 years left in me. Power to me!!! Let me role in this charade is to continue the strangulation of the people of Gaza, getting rid of the Muslim Brotherhood and effectively Hamas, and to line my bong with more billions of dollars! Ah, but my people love me. They just don't know that yet. I tell them it is all for the greater good. I am greater than them, so I deserve to live my life and run my country the way I see fit. I hope these silly talks don't take long, I have an appointment with the doctor in Switzerland who recommended euthanasia for me. Power to me!!!

Kill Steal Expropriate Occupy Terrorize Apartheid Jewish State Settlements Power Control Checkpoints Wall Siege Shoah Murder Massacre Oppression Demolition Ethnic Cleansing Violence Wiping Out Natives Zionism Imperialism Colonialism Anti-Semitism Security Judiazing Messianic Revelations Crackheads Extremists Hagana IDF Palmach God Given Right Democracy

Must we go through this tiresome façade again? I've got this in the bag dudes. Check out my movie-star-while serving-in-the-army pic!

Shalom! I am fat old man. I make deal with Hosni's devil. I like travel to Europe and the America to trash rich hotels and burn expensive cigars on the blouses of blondes. I am convert to Zionism! I have money, money, and more money. I still President of the PA, even after 2 years of expiry date ha-HA! I pretend I care about nationalist cause. I care about settlers and security of Israelis, first and foremost. I open my arms to hug them. They give me benjamins! Ka-ching! When in Ramallah, I travel with concierge and bling bling vehicles. I give shit not to Palestinians. I am big man! I overdose on Viagra. I like Obama, he give me nice rooms.

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